


It's okay to be imperfect

by GoldenLore



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Arguing, Centaurs, Dimples, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter Friendship, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Flustered Draco Malfoy, Gay Panic, Healer Draco Malfoy, Hogwarts Forbidden Forest, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Lonely Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy in Azkaban, M/M, Oblivious Harry, POV Draco Malfoy, Pining, Pining Draco Malfoy, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Potioneer Draco Malfoy, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Society (Harry Potter), Roommates, Slow Burn, Smitten Draco Malfoy, Stubborn Draco Malfoy, Suspicions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:40:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 27,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25099318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenLore/pseuds/GoldenLore
Summary: In pureblood culture dimples are seen as a trait of blood traitors. Draco and his family have hidden his dimples from the day he was born. But with his father in Azkaban after the war Draco has to carry on his family legacy alone. While concealing secrets and navigation the pressures of a reeling pureblood community he is back at hogwarts for his seventh year. And he is left to figure out what his purpose is and who he wants to be.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 47
Kudos: 47





	1. It's okay to be imperfect

In pureblood culture you are taught that you must always be strong. You must be strong of will, strong of mind, strong of character. Above all else your standing in thee community is determined by how much power you are percieved to hold. This percieved power can be effected by many things, from your wealth, your intellect, the loyalty you command from others. All of these can be improved upon but there is one important aspect of pureblood strength that cannot be easily changed, and that is your appearance. It can be twisted through makeup or magic but inevitably all changes will require maintenance. That is why from the moment of Draco's very first smile, when dimples tugged at his chubby cheeks his parents started giving him potions to fix them. As he grew older they hoped that his dimples would fade, but to no avail.

Purebloods view dimples as weakness a sign of weakness and dirtied blood. If tou have dimples then it is simply assumed that you are a blood traitor. Knowing this would ruin them Draco's parents taught him not to smile. Even when he is dosed with potion if he smiles he is scolded fiercely. He didn't even realize this was abnormal until he met other purebloods and found that they freely smiled. But he had to think of his family, if another pureblood saw him their family would surely be disgraced. As the sole heir of his line he holds the weight of his family legacy on his shoulders. And the mistake of forgetting his potion just once could ruin everything they worked for.

Through the war he tried to be strong, he tried to follow orders. He wanted to show his parents that he is capable of carrying on their name. But he failed time and time again and after they lost the war he had to look back and wonder if what he'd done was right. In the moment he'd always believed that he was on the right side. He had the support of family and friends and he had never known anything else. He was always told that the dark lord would bring peace and prosperity. His life had already been laid out for him the moment he was born, even with his unsightly dimples. He knew who he was and where he belonged and he never questioned it, that is, until Potter came along.

He'd never been rejected by anyone until that first day of school when Harry decided he'd pick that freckled faced blood traitor over him. It was unthinkable to him that he would do something so foolish. He'd believed that Harry would come around, but he never did. It was strange to watch him over the years. Harry nearly died numerous times and somehow he still seemed undeniably happy. He smiles so easily and Draco had always been envious of that. He always found himself searching for Potter at meals and he seemed to always be smiling or laughing. It made him jealous, though he would never have admitted to it out loud. He's never been that carefree for a single moment in his life. His restraint has been ingrained in him every day of his life. It's not as if he refuses to be happy, it's simply that after all these years he doesn't know how.

From time to time he has smiled at himself in the mirror and it looks strange, as if he is staring at an entirely different person. It feels disgraceful to look at himself before he has had his potion in the morning. Sometimes when he was younger he would pinch at his cheeks in an attempt to make his dimples go away, but to no avail. Eventually he resigned himself to the fact that he was forever stuck with them. That for the rest of his life he'll have to be careful.

As he grew older he came to admire Potter for this resilience in the face of disaster, secretly of course. Draco knew his role, and that meant that they were enemies. It was easy to turn his jealousy into hatred for all those years. Potter was so perfect that if you don't admire him you inevitably hate him. Being enemies suited Draco well. He has always been good with a wand and insults are a second language to him. When you have such a cold demeanor you learn to hurl insults quite easily.

Though after the war, something he had never considered was how their relationship might change. He'd expected Harry to take a job as an auror and that in the future they would only interact in passing. Perhaps an awkward conversation or two. He would see Harry on the streets and either they would avoid one another or perhaps a small nod would pass between them. At the very least he expected not to see him during the entirety of his seventh year. With his parents in azkaban he had to do everything in his power to recover their reputation, and the lack of distraction was a welcome change. But something he didn't expect was to get to hogwarts for his seventh year only to find that Harry Potter is his new roommmate.


	2. It's going to be a long year

Harry Potter is the last person he expected to be his roommate. He'd dared to hope for Pansy, Blaise, or Crabbe as they were of a very small portion of students that could stand him. But upon arrival they were informed by the newly appointed Headmistress Mcgonagall that due to the fact that so many students were unable to finish their OWLS and NEWTS last year there was a spike in students. Paired with the fact that many rooms were still under construction, they were forced to convert some of the unused rooms into temporary dorms.

This he had expected, it is even preferable, as it is better than being cramped together in the existing dorms with so many other students. However, what he didn't expect is the announcement that the seventh years would not be paired together by house. Upon hearing this his body went rigid, knowing that if it came down to anyone else's word against his then he would inevitably lose. And with so many people that hate him, the chances of being paired with someone who will hex him at every opportunity is high. 

He was assigned his room first and dismissed from the great hall and he waited anxiously for his roommate, still holding out hope that it might be one of his friends. But as soon as Potter walked into the his heart sunk. There was an immediate palpable tension in the air. His fingers itch to grab his wand, to strike first, but he holds back. Harry hasn't attacked him and he can't act as rashly as he has in the past. Without his family's power behind him he has to tread carefully.

He takes in a steadying breath then looks to Harry. He can see his wand is held loosely in his hand and Draco's eyes dart down for a moment wanting to grab his own wand as well. But seeing Harry's grip tighten slightly he grits his teeth and looks up to Harry's face forcing a neutral expression.

"Potter" He says by way of greeting and it sounds harsher than he'd intended. He is met with a scowl and a disdainful "Malfoy" spat back at him. There is a moment is silence and it feels as though his wand is burning a hole in his pocket. "I'm unarmed, if you intend to hex me then get it over with, golden boy." He says trying to keep him tone flat though there is the hint of a snarl that he can't quite rid himself of.

Harry takes a step closer nearly nose to nose with Draco who refuses to step back. "If you try anything-" He sayss leaving the threat unfinished. Draco stays silent wishing he had a threat he could throw out as well. But instead without his gaze wavering from Harry he says "I understand." Through gritted teeth, as if it is painful to do so.

For a moment Harry doesn't back away and Draco wonders again if he should pull his wand and strike first. His heart is hammering in his chest but finally after what feels like an eternity Harry takes a step back. Draco silently sighs with relief and backs away as well. He doesn't dare turn his back though and instead he watches Harry warily.

He looks different than when they were younger. Even just a year before he seemed more of a child. But war has a way of forcing you to grow up. He has more scars, some of them more evident than others and he looks stronger as well. He has always been wiry and gangly but it seems he has grown into himself.

Draco jumps at the flash of a spell from the corner of his eye fully expecting a spell to be headed his way. But instead there is a soft click as Harry unlocks his trunk and gathers several things in his arms. He slams it back and whispers the spell to lock it. He shoots a look back at Draco who quickly pretends he wasn't watching then shoves everything into a bag. He casts a spell on his trunk to lock it again and shoots a glare at Draco before slipping out of the room.

As the door closes behind him Draco falls back onto his bed with a sigh. He pulls out his hands twirling it between his fingers. Just having it in his hand makes him feel safer. How he's going to deal with this every day without snapping is unclear but the one thing he does know for sure is that it's going to be a long year.


	3. Obstinance will see you through

He should act far more indifferent, as if Potter's suspicion doesn't bother him. But he has never been good at holding in his irritation, especially when it comes to Potter. You'd think it would be easier after the years in which he'd been trained to hold in even the slightest amusement. But holding everything in, it only makes it worse. It's hard to acknowledge anything that doesn'tfall between anger and fear. Draco has never been soft spoken or held back his words and before the war he had no reason to. With his family behind him he was untouchable and insults lived on the tip of his tongue. But with his father in Azkaban he can only throw around empty threats and insults that feel empty

Not wanting to think think about his father he heads to his trunk deciding that whatever happens it would be Harry that requests to change dorms, not him. The room is cramped and lacks the grandeur of the slytherin dorms but if he is going to make it through the year then pure obstinance will see him through.

He pulls out a box labeled _ingredients/herbs_ and he starts to pull out small plants. The room is smaller than he was used to and even in the slytherin dorms he would often take up more than his fair share of space. On each side there is a window, a bed, a desk, and a bookshelf. Draco sets to organizing his things. Placing books about potions, alchemy, and herbology, across the bookshelf. Then along every other available surface on his side of the room he starts to cover it with plants. He has used them to practice potions for years. Ever since he was a child he wanted to be an alchemist and potioneer. Several of his plants are nearly ten years old at this point.

He's struggling to float an ivy up to balance on top of the shelf when the door swings open and he jumps nearly flinging the plant at the door. But instead of an irate Potter he is met with a smug looking Pansy. She managed to catch the plant with her own floating charm just before it hit her and Draco huffs and pulls it from her charm shoving it onto the shelf. "Somebody is a little jumpy!" She laughs "I was coming to see if you and Potter have killed one another yet but I wasn't expecting to be attacked by a plant!" She says with a grin.

"I don't know how we're going to live together." Draco sighs slouching down onto his bed. "We've never gotten along, and I don't see it starting now."

"At least he hasn't jinxed you yet, I can't say the same for my roommate." She grumbles flopping down on the bed next to him.

"Who was it? I already left by the time you were called" He says curiously and she shakes her head.

"The Weasley girl." She snarls crossing her arms over her chest. "I insulted her family **once** and she hits me with a jelly legs jinx!" She says and Draco scoffs.

"The Weaslette has always had a temper." He says with a dry laugh "At least it wasn't Granger." He says with a shrug, and Pansy chuckles looking back at Draco. "I wouldn't want her to punch me" She says laughing and Draco sighs in exasperation. "That was ONE TIME!" He huffs but Pansy continues to laugh.

"Did you hear where Blaise and Crabbe were put?" Draco asks trying to shift the topic. She sighs rolling her eyes at his clear diversion but answers a anyways. "Blaise is with Longbottom and Crabbe is with some mud-muggleborn." She corrects herself begrudingly. He is about to respond when he hears the click of the door.

As he looks up the golden trio is standing in the doorway. He decidedly clamps his mouth shut. Weasley is glaring a hole through him so he leaves the rest of his plants to be put up later then grabs Pansy's arm. "Come on, we're going somewhere else." He says and she glares right back at the three of them.

"They could be the ones to leave." She says pointedly glaring as Draco drags her past them. When the door closes behind them he turns to her and crowd s his arms saying. "As much as I'd love to fight with them, you know as well as I do that we have to avoid trouble this year." And at this she sighs heavily. "You're right." She grumbles starting to walk with him down the hall "But staying out of trouble is no fun."


	4. Once a deatheater, always a deatheater

He and Pansy wander down the halls unsure where to go with his dorm full of annoying do gooders and her dorm occupied by a hostile witch. However, even the halls seem to be filled with people that openly hate them. During the war at the very least they could delude themselves into thinking that people simply disliked them. But fear and respect aren't the same thing, losing the war has made this abundantly clear.

There were several snide comments thrown their way. Draco had to grip Pansy's arm to keep her from replying. But when a hex whizzed between them they quickly decided to take refuge in the library. Just a few halls away they slip between the shelves to find a table hidden away from the rest. They sit heavily on the chairs, already feeling tired. "That's the second hex today" Pansy huffs dropping her head in her hands. "I don't know if I'll survive to the end of term."

"If it makes it any better, they were probably aiming for me." Draco says leaning back in his seat. "You're a slytherin, but you didn't directly aid the dark lord." He says looking over at the books along the shelf.

"You hardly even helped." She grumbles and he glares at her. "It doesn't matter what I did or I didn't do." He says as he grabs a book. "I'm going to be seen as an accomplice no matter what. I'm the one with the dark mark, remember?" He says tapping his sleeve where the mark resides.

"That doesn't mean I can't be pissed about being hexed, alright?" She huffs and slumps down in her seat. He shrugs and flips open the book looking over the chapters. "Just don't complain to me about it when you know that eventually the hatred for you will die down, but for me it won't." He says flatly and she glares at him gritting her teeth angrily.

"I think I'd rather be with my hex happy roommate than with you right now." She says crossing her arms over her chest. "That's a lie and you know it." He says in a tone that was meant to be playful but instead came across self righteous. He opens his mouth to correct himself but she is already standing to leave.

"Maybe I'll just go cry about it to moaning myrtle because you've got the emotional intelligence of a toddler." She shoves her chair in and there is a loud shhhhh in the distance but Pansy pays no attention. "A basic level of empathy is all I'm asking for." She hisses then storms away.

From experience he knows that if he goes after her she'll be angry with him no matter what he says. It's better to let her cool down then give her chocolates as an apology. Draco sighs running an hand through his hair feeling guilty. It's not as if he doesn't feel for her, they're going through the same thing right now. But eventually people will remember that not all slytherins were helping the dark lord. But his family was, and that will follow him for the rest of his life.

He tries to focus on the book but his mind won't stop racing. No matter how hard he tries he feels fidgety and anxious. He bounces his leg trying to force himself to read but it's no use. Even under normal circumstances he disliked studying in the library. It feels far too open, as if someone might sneak up on him from anywhere. He much preferred reading on his bed surrounded by his plants, though that was far more relaxing when he was with other slytherins.

After a while he gives up, deciding to go back to his room and try to sleep. He'd have to start classes in the morning and the students are going to be brutal. It'll be the first time many of them have seen him since the war and it would be easy to blame him. Nobody really knew the extent of his help in the war. Some people claimed he wasn't involved and others say he was instrumental in the fight.

In truth he did very little during the war. At the time he felt that he should have been doing more. But every assignment he was given, he failed. He never went through with killing Dumbledore and his biggest contribution was sneaking a few people onto the hogwarts grounds. If anything, his involvement had been a detriment, by dragging his feet in killing Dumbledore it allowed him time to search for horocruxes. He rubs his eyes and sighs heavily as the moment of his death flashed in his mind.

It doesn't matter if he was the worst deatheater in the world, he was still a deatheater. Anybody that saw his arm wouldn't see how he was manipulated and forced into hurting people to protect his family. They wouldn't know the constant fear of having the dark lord living in your own home. They would only see a soldier for the dark lord.

He stands not wanting to wallow any further and he picks up his book to go check it out. The librarian is an old witch and she smiles gently. He is taken aback for a moment as this is one of the first smiles he'd recieved from a stranger in quite a while. It made him want to smile back but the potion that keeps his dimples away only lasts for so long. If he were to smile there's no telling if they would poke through or not so he simply nods and takes the book with him.

As he walks back he takes several wrong turns, most of them intentionally to waste time. If he has to deal with the golden trio right now he might just pull out his own hair. With the approaching curfew there are only a few people scattered about the halls and he walks by them swiftly hoping not to be recognized. When he arrives back at his dorm thankfully the room is empty. He can hear the shower running in the attached bathroom and he sighs with relief. He falls onto his bed happy to be alone even for a short time. He stares up at the ceiling and takes a moment to breathe.

For a moment the image of his father in a cell pops into his brain and he quickly pushes it away. Thinking of his father in Azkaban does nothing but make him sad. He would much prefer to think of his father before the war, when it was just him and his parents. They seemed so in love when he was young. He couldn't have imagined anything ripping them apart before the war. But now his mother is all alone in the manor with only the house elves as company. They'd lost nearly all of their friends after the dark lord's death. People immediately wanted to distance themselves and pretend that they were never associated with them or the dark lord. It was hardest on Narcissa as she had always enjoyed throwing lavish parties for purebloods, but nowadays nobody shows. The last one was tragic to say the least and she refused to come out of her room for several days after. Mentally he reminds himself to write to her.

That's when he hears the water shut off. He quickly turns off the light and lays silently listening to the rustling as Harry gets in bed. He holds his wand in his hand and resigns himself to the fact he won't sleep much tonight, if at all. Having his enemy so close makes it feel like he could die at any moment. The only consolation is that he knows Harry will likely have just as much trouble sleeping.


	5. Thunder sounds a lot like enemies

Draco falls in and out of sleep, even the slightest noise jolting him awake. He's used to sleeping in the silence of the slytherin dorms which are built underground. There is only ever the occasional chatter of merpeople as they pass the windows that look out into the lake. And at home, where the manor is so expansive and shielded by charms, hardly even the wind can get through. As he tosses and turns it feels as though there is noise everywhere, though one that continually worries him is the soft breathing from across the room.

Each time he manages to fall asleep he is jolted awake by the wind whistling, a branch tapping against the window, or the deep seated fear that he might be attacked in his sleep. Eventually he is awoken by the pattering of rain which refuses to let him drift off again so he gives up and trudges over to his desk.

He still has some time before the great hall opens for breakfast. He stretches then begins to quietly prep his potions kit to make a sleeping potion for tomorrow night. After a minute he decides to start a healing potion as well. They're both quite simple but the challenge of making two would help keep him from falling asleep while brewing. Not to mention a healing potion would be a perfect gift for Pansy. 

The storm begins to pick up as the minutes tick past and Draco picks herbs from his plants to steep them in his cauldron. Eventually the sleeping potion starts to take on a pearly sheen. But just as he is about to add lavender buds there is a loud crack of thunder. Instinctively he flinches away and in that same moment a spell flies over his head. The books burst off of his shelf behind him.

He whips around to see Potter looking dazed and frantic. Without giving him time to cast another spell Draco raises his wand and quickly says "Expelliarmus!" And Harry's wand comes flying in his direction. Harry charges forward but Draco manages to snatch it from the ground. 

"It was thunder!" He yells scrambling to the furthest corner of the room. "It was only thunder!" He says again holding out his wand toward Harry ready to cast a bind on him if necessary. He is already worried simply disarming him would get him a detention at the very least. But thankfully Harry stops still looking dazed and he says "Thunder?" taking a moment to look around the room. He stands up straight and sighs heavily seeming to come out of the fog of sleep. "I'll have my wand back." He says holding out his hand and after a moment of hesitation and a scowl from Harry Draco hands back the wand.

It is tempting to taunt him or to say something childish but instead he simply moves to pick his books up off the ground without a word. If he had been the one to have a nightmare he'd hex Harry for so much as looking at him funny. He'd expect the same from Harry. He's picked up several already when Harry crouches down down next to him and grabs one of the books. "Sorry" He says quietly and Draco looks over in surprise. As unbelieveable as it may seem it doesn't seem to be a trick because Harry simply places a few of the books back on his shelf. Though he is refusing to look Draco in the eye. In that moment he has a choice, he could be abrasive as he normally is. He could refuse his apology, he could be mean in so very many ways. But he pushes down the urge and says"You have no reason to be sorry." Because that's what he'd like to be said to him. And he places the last book back on the shelf, quickly turning back to his potions. He takes a chance and glances back at Harry and he can see the surprise written on his face.

He has buried every grain of kindness in himself so deeply that even a simple statement like this feels as though he has exposed himself. Seeing Harry's face has only made him embarrassed, wondering whether he should have said something biting instead. He quickly takes a seat at his desk and his shoulders curl forward wanting to bury himself away again. He tries to go back to stirring but he is far too aware of Harry's footsteps behind him.

He looks away when Harry circles to his side pretending as if dropping in his lavender buds needs all of his attention. "What are you making?" He asks and the overwhelming suspicion that is normally in his voice is only slightly present. Though he's thankful that Harry doesn't want to talk about the fact that he'd said something nearly human it feels strange to hear him speak so casually.

"Sleeping potion, healing potion" He says pointing to the two simmering pots. He holds back an _obviously_ which would have made him far more comfortable. Harry leans down and sniffs the sleep potion "Smells nice" he says a bit awkwardly and there is an intense urge to shove him away. He needs to be far away from Harry. His heart is beating fast and his palms have grown sweaty. Everything in him is screaming to grab his wand and hex him.

"Lavender" he says shortly wishing this conversation would just end. And thankfully in reply Harry just makes a small noise then moves away. It fills him with relief and as Harry walks back to his side of the room he feels as though he can breathe again. He forces himself to block out everything and to focus solely on his potions. Forcing away any thought of Harry and the all consuming urge to do something awful to rectify the only neutral conversation they have ever had. That is, if you could even call that a conversation.


	6. An accidental smile

The birds have started chirping by the time Draco has gotten to the last ingredient. He can hear Harry moving about behind him and he tries his best to ignore it. In the slytherin dorms everyone knew not to bother him if he was making a potion. The best part is that there had been room to do so. But in this tiny room it feels as though Harry is looking over his shoulder. "What are you doing?" Draco asks curiously hoping to gain a few more nonhostile words between them. He drops in the last ingredient and leaves it to simmer. But as soon as he glances behind him he can see that posters are now splayed across the opposite wall.

Pictures of famous aurors looking menacing stand beside posters of the chudley canons quidditch team celebrating a victory. The juxtaposition is almost laughable. "I figured since you decorated, then I should too." Harry says slapping a chocolate frog card against the wall. It looks cluttered and chaotic and objectively awful.

"I..wouldn't quite call that decorating." Draco says slowly, the lesser of several insults. Harry shrugs and moves away from the wall to look at it. He takes a moment to take it in then he nods.

"It's a bit much, but where else would I put all of it?" He asks and though Draco keeps himself from saying _the trash_ when Harry looks over at him seeing the apparent disgust on his face he bursts into laughter. It's a jarring sound, though not unpleasant. It's just shocking to hear him laugh so warmly. The most they have ever exchanged is a disgusted scoff. But this sound is so pure and light that it makes him want to laugh too.

He feels the corner of his mouth twitch up, followed immediately by the fear that one of his dimples had shown. Undoubtedly the potion had worn off by now. Draco swiftly turns away though Harry doesn't seem to notice. Without trying to be suspicious he opens his trunk and snags a vial from inside hiding it in his pocket. "It looks like the walls of a child's bedroom." He says and it sounds far less lighthearted than he'd hoped and Harry immediately stops laughing and instead huffs turning to look at him.

"I'm going to take a shower. You should..fix that" He says gesturing toward the wall and internally cringing at himself. As he passes his desk he shuts off the heat for his potions before he slips into the bathroom. He can feel Harry's eyes on him and if he could just hex him this would be so much easier.

He sighs as he closes and locks the bathroom door behind. He looks at himself in the mirror and lifts his lips into a small smile and sure enough the little indents in his cheeks appear. He has to be more careful, especially with Potter around. Whether he knows the meaning behind dimples in pureblood culture or not surely he would use it against him if he has the chance. There can't be a gap between potions in which he can be caught. With his family's name already ruined he has to be the one to fix things. And he can't do that if he has a traitor's mark stamped on his cheeks.

He quickly downs the potion trying not to worry whether or not he'd just been caught. Surely the smile hadn't been big enough to expose him. But either way there's no way of knowing how Harry will take his unintentional jabs. It's not as if he was throwing insults like they would when they were children but it seems they have a fragile and unspoken truce. If he's just broken it then the rest of the year will be hell.

He sighs resting his head against the wall for a moment. It's cool against his skin and he tries to calm himself. If he had just been put with the slytherins he could skate through the year with relative ease. He could keep his head down and have a safe place to come back to each night. But now he has to worry for his life at all times. Though it seems a fitting punishment for his part in the war. He pushes away his thoughts knowing he can't worry about everything at once. And after a minute he curses under his breath and goes to take a shower.


	7. I guess you're forgiven

By the time Draco has gotten out of the shower Harry is already gone, for that he's grateful. Instead of trying to traverse another awkward conversation he can take a second to relax. Once he's dressed he stops for a minute to put the now cooled potions into vials and he slips one of the healing potions into his pocket for Pansy. Then he grabs his books and heads to the great hall.

He keeps his head down as he walks through the halls trying not to feel the eyes that flit toward him. He fiddles with the end of his wand in his pocket, it calms him knowing it's there even if he knows he can't use it. When he reaches the great hall he's surprised to see that the house colors are gone and the four tables have been arranged in a large square in the middle of the room. It takes him a moment of wandering before he spots Crabbe, Blaise, and Pansy huddled together at one of the tables which seems to be occupied almost solely by slytherins.

As he reaches them he hears Blaise hissing "Fucking longbottom!" And Draco quickly sits grabbing a plate. "What happened?" He asks and Pansy quite dramatically huffs and turns away from him. "I'm convinced that he's trying to annoy me into changing rooms." Blaise says shaking his head "He won't fucking stop talking about plants! He's worse than you Draco, I swear it!" He says slumping in his seat. "He talked about some muggle plant for three hours! THREE HOURS!" He yells and people at the neighboring table look their way. He grumbles under his breath and glares at them.

"Draco could undoubtedly annoy him into leaving. Merlin knows he's always such a prat." Pansy says but at this Blaise brightens. "Do you think you could?" He asks and Pansy smiles smugly.

"I'm not that annoying!" Draco says taken aback. "I disagree!" Pansy cuts in and Draco sighs.

"Come on Pansy" Draco groans but she crosses her arms turning up her nose at him. "You're a selfish inconsiderate prat who has no concept of-" She stops when he slides the vial in front of her.

"Made you a healing potion just in case Weaslette attacks you again." He says and she looks down at it for a moment. "Is it just because I'm mad at you?" She says haughtily, still acting as though she won't take it even though he knows she can't refuse a gift to save her life.

"I don't like when you're mad at me but I also want you to be safe." He says and she grins taking the vial and shoving it in her pocket. "Fine, I guess you're forgiven." She says rolling her eyes. Crabbe makes a gagging noise in response and Pansy promptly smacks the back of his head.

"What about you? How'd it go with Potter?" Blaise questions as Crabbe rubs the back of his head. Draco shrugs, he'd truthfully expected to end the night in a duel. "It was surprisingly uneventful other than a single hex." He says "From him, or you?"Blaise asks with a sly grin.

"From him! I've already told you I'm trying to stay out of trouble." Draco says shaking his head as he eats. Crabbe looks at him wide eyed "I thought you were joking about that!"

"Of course not! I have to save my legacy and blah blah blah." He says waving his hand dismissively. "I give you a week before the two of you are at each other's throats." Pansy says and Crabbe laughs "A week? Three days max!" He says and Draco's mind starts to wander as he looks around around the room. The other tables seem more full than usual while theirs is nearly barren. There is a large distance between their little group and those closest. It seems that nobody wants to be seen interacting with them, most likely him in particular." Even other slytherins are sat among the other tables to avoid them. Perhaps his legacy is in even greater tatters than he'd feared.

Before he's realized who he's looking for his eyes fall on Harry. He and his friends seem to be crushed between people clamoring to get closer. Everyone wants a moment with the savior. For a moment there is a stab of jealousy in him but he pushes it aside. He'd always hated the story of the boy who lived. His family always had their own telling, though it was likely just as accurate as the glorified one that had been spread around.

Of course the dark lord was framed as the hero in their version, and the boy who lived, the villain. He was seen as a destroyer. He killed voldemort, he ruined all they worked so hard to build. He brought filth into the pureblood world. He'd believed it for a long time, and even as he got older he resented Harry. He was admittedly obsessed the first few years of school. He wanted to hate him with every fiber of his being. It felt as though it should have been as easy to hate him as it was to hate the stories of him. But putting a face to a fairytale villain makes them a lot less scary. Particularly when this villain is just a scrawny kid whose best weapon is a sharp tongue.

He is shaken from his thoughts when Crabbe hits his shoulder. "If you keep spacing out you'll miss class." He says and Draco looks around to realize many people have already left. He quickly shovels his food into his mouth and gets up "Thanks" He says past his food and Crabbe laughs. "Does that mean you owe me a potion too?" Crabbe calls and Draco spins around swallowing to say "You can figure out how to make one yourself!" before he hurries to class.


	8. A betrayal of blood purity

This year Draco packed his schedule full of classes. Everything from alchemy to xylomancy. He'd always expected to simply take after his father when he got out of school. It's not as if he didn't study but when you expect life to be handed to you on a platter you don't put in much effort. He always did just enough work to ensure the grades that were expected of him, nothing more and nothing less. Though it was always quite annoying to find that Granger had better grades than him even when he studied. He'd resigned himself to it a few years into schooling, though it still bothered him.

This year however, is different. He can no longer follow in his father's footsteps and instead has to forge his own path. In the time between the end of the war and the start of the school year he settled upon the job of potioneer, specializing in alchemy. He's always been gifted with potions and alchemy is highly respected. It's difficult enough that there won't be much competition and if he were to make a breakthrough there is the possibility that it could outshadow his past.

He just has to secure an alchemy apprenticeship after he's graduated. Eventually people might forget his place in the war and he wouldn't be utterly despised by the wizarding world. The only downside of signing up for so many classes is that he has to actually attend every single one of them. To make matters worse his mother had insisted that he also take muggle classes as well.

He's always been able to avoid muggle studies. Every single year his parents would find a way to get him out of it, which was welcomed at the time. But this year she'd said "The dark lord is truly dead, so you have to win the trust of the mudbloods." She left no room for argument as she continued. "You need to understand them if you ever intend to use them." Which as foreboding as it may sound made absolute sense to Draco. If their name is to rise again then he'll have to play nice with muggleborns to get there. Though, it feels wrong that she was the one pushing him toward muggle subjects when for years his parents forbid him from so much as thinking about anything muggle. As a child he didn't even believe that they existed. He'd never even had more than a minute of conversation with a muggle as far as he knew. Though this had once been a source of pride it now only feels like a detriment to him.

He trudges down the hall towards his muggle art class and there is a sense of dread in him. He has slowed himself so much that the halls have cleared. It's just him left alone in the corridors. It feels like more than the fear of being judged that is holding him back. It is a feeling that comes from his gut that he shouldn't be here. The jeers of relatives at the expense of muggles and mudbloods ring through his ears. He stops at the door for a moment feeling as though stepping into the room would be a betrayal of his blood purity.

He stands there staring at the door feeling as though his ancestors are burning him from the inside out. His hands start to shake and his heart picks up pace. It's as if he is facing down a foe. He takes in a breath and clenches his teeth forces himself to step forward. As he opens the door and steps inside there is a sudden hush that falls upon the class.

Many of the faces are unfamiliar to him, though they seem shocked to see him nonetheless. He scans the crowd hoping for at least a single friendly face. Even the teacher is unfamiliar to him. However there is one person that he recognizes. As soon as their eyes meet he is tempted to turn and walk back out of the classroom. Because staring back at him, a seemingly inescapable fixture in his life is Harry Potter.


	9. Flustered

There is shock and anger throughout the class. However the professor, a young red haired woman seems unphased by his presence. Draco wants to sneer at her, as red hair just seems to have that effect on him at this point but she is grinning cheerily. "You're late, though the halls are ridiculously hard to navigate and it's only the start of term so just take a seat." She says waving him over to an empty seat with an anxious looking kid. "I got lost twice on my way here this morning" She says laughing then she sets an empty nameplate in front of him. She has a strange accent that he's only ever heard once or twice in passing and he can't place it. Though he hasn't traveled much anyways.

"Take your time and write your name, I've got to get to know everyone. And don't worry it doesn't have to be perfect. Mistakes are a part of the journey." She says her smile never wavering as she looks at him which is strange. Normally he'd sense at least a bit of scorn, but she seems excessively chipper.

Her smile only dims for a moment but instead of being directed at him it is at the anxious boy next to him. "Are you feeling alright dear?" She asks and he shakes his head quickly "I'm fine!" He squeaks, looking nervously over at Draco. His hand holding a brush has started to quiver slightly. There is the scrape of a chair from the back of the room and before Draco can decide what to do Harry is next to them.

"I can't see properly back there." He says tapping the kid who sighs with relief and snatches his things and switches seats with murmured thanks. The teacher watches for a moment seeming confused as to what just happened. But after a moment decides to start the lesson.

"The best way to learn about art, is to make it. Any materials you need will be in the cupboards along the walls. Everyone has five minutes to gather their materials. While you make your name plates we'll be learning about one of the most famous names in muggle art." Says the professor who Draco has only just noticed has a colorful nameplate of her own reading Professor Fletcher. She waves everyone over to the cupboards as messes with a black box on her desk. Draco stubbornly refuses to acknowledge Harry as he gets up and goes to the cupboards.

Along the shelves there are rows upon rows of unfamiliar materials. There is a flurry of motion as people grab things but Draco hesitates, taking a little yellow stick that looks closest to a quill, as well as a brush he'd seen his original deskmate with and several tubes of a mystery goo that seems to be a popular choice.

When he returns he sees Harry with a brush in hand splattering his nameplate with colors. He sits staring at his own for a minute before Harry looks over at him. "I'm surprised to see you here." Harry says with a quizzical look. "Why are you taking muggle art?" He asks and Draco shrugs trying to figure out how to open one of the tubes. Harry reaches over taking it from him and pulls off a little plastic tab then repeats the same for the others.

He didn't really want to say that his mother had forced him to attend these classes even though it was the truth. But as he is about to answer a light shines across the room and Draco jumps going for his wand until he realized that the light created a picture of a woman on the board in front of the class. He twists in his seat trying to find the source but he hears Harry laugh and he turns back glaring. The professor starts talking about someone named Leonardo DaVinci, a very muggle name, and Draco slumps in his seat annoyed.

Harry leans over to him making Draco's heart suddenly speed up "It's a projector" Harry whispers and he can feel the breath against his cheek. When he looks over his stomach seems to tie itself in knots with Harry so close. He's pointing to a little black box connected to the ceiling but Draco is far too preoccupied with the fact that Harry is in his space to care anymore. So he simply nods and slumps in his seat trying not to wonder why he's so flustered.


	10. Smile at your enemies

Draco couldn't retain much during the class. It felt like everyone was watching him and every so often he would get distracted by Harry painting and repainting his nameplate. To his horror they were assigned to paint portraits of their deskmate, meaning Harry. He was near pounding his head in the table. As soon as class was over he took his things and bolted for the door. Two hours of curse breaking was exactly the distraction he needed. He could focus on problems right in front of him instead of worrying about anything or anyone.

Curses are easy to understand, they all have patterns and logical solutions. It's humans that are complicated. If people were like curses or potions with a list of rules where every action has an expected reaction life would be so much simpler. Three tablespoons of dried magarth and he could fix the perception people had of him. Or a pinch of jorlin and he could figure out why Harry makes him so jumpy and nervous. But it's not rhat simple.

As he gets back to his dorm he's grateful that Harry is nowhere to be found. Instead there is a familiar grey owl perched on his windowsill. He pushes the window open to let in his mother's owl who has a note and a package attacked to it. He digs through his trunk until he finds a snack and tosses it to the bird. Then quickly he unties the letter and present.

It's a long letter which shows just how lonely she is at home. Nearly three pages of almost nothing but complaining about the house elves and questions about school. However she does say near the end. "I know for a long time your father and I told you not to smile. I don't want you to worry so much about your dimples showing through. I found a stronger potion for you that will last longer." This is followed by several lines complaining about the house elf who took so long to get it. Then she ends the letter by saying "I want you to smile more, particularly with our enemies. Let them see that the war ending has not phased you. The mudbloods want to see you miserable and I simply won't allow it. You want them on your side so you should distance yourself from your friends for the time being. Instead smile at mudbloods, smile at blood traitors, smile so much that your cheeks begin to hurt. Because you my love are the shining future of the pureblood legacy." He opens the box to reveal two pearly potions tucked inside. It's unclear to him whether to feel happy or be crushed under the weight of his mother's expectations. The idea of her encouraging him to smile feels ridiculous but his mother's name is at the bottom of the letter in her swooping signature.

He sits for a moment turning the bottles over in his hand and he sighs. Not only does she expect him to befriend muggleborns but she also wants him to distance himself from the only friends he's ever had. He wants nothing more in this moment than to have Crabbe and Goyle over like old times. But with Goyle dead it wouldn't feel the same." He sighs and burns his mother's letter, something he grew accustom to during the war. She has always had his best interests at heart and at great cost she has tried to protect him. But right now there's no way of knowing what the right thing to do is. Everything he has been asked to do goes against everything he was raised to be. 

He sighs and pens a letter telling her about his new classes and the irony of being roommates with Harry Potter. She'll likely tell him to try to befriend Potter at all costs, but if he were to omit that fact then it would feel like he was lying. And after thanking her for the potions and sending his love he rolled up the letter and tied it to the owl's leg.

As if he didn't have enough going on, he's supposed to start smiling? Something he has been banned from doing since birth. As the owl hops out the window and takes flight he reaches up to his cheeks and tries to smile. The dimples aren't there and wouldn't be back until dusk but even this small gesture feels wrong. 

He jumps when he hears the door open behind him and he quickly drops his hands. Harry flops down on his bed not paying any attention to him. Draco starts to flip through his runes textbook when Harry rolls over to look at him. "Wanna be my model for like ten minutes?" He asks grabbing the skecthbook Professor Fletcher had given them for their portraits.

"Studying" He says absently trying to wave Harry away. "Homework" He says stretching over to poke Draco in the arm with the end of what Draco has learned is called a pencil. "You can do your portrait next" He says and Draco sighs turning toward Harry "Fine, ten minutes." He says turning toward Harry.


	11. I never asked to be a hero

Draco sits still for a while feeling awkward as Harry draws him. He's not sure where exactly to look. So he fixes his gaze on the far wall and sits stony faced the same way he would for family portraits. "Do you always scowl?" Harry asks and Draco rolls his eyes.

"Only around you" He says and Harry stops drawing for a moment to squint at him. "I honestly can't tell when you're joking." He says and at this Draco shrugs. "It's an art"

"You're supposed to smile in pictures" He says looking up at Draco then down at his picture as he furiously starts erasing something. "That's kind of the whole reason Mona Lisa is famous"

"Who?" Draco asks and Harry scoffs. "Seriously couldn't tell if you're joking if someone paid me." Though Draco wasn't joking at all. Even though most of the class had been about DaVinci and the Mona Lisa he had been far too distracted by Harry merrily mixing paints next to him. He bites his lip remembering his mother's advice then before he can talk himself out of it he sits up and smiles. It feels entirely wrong, particularly to be smiling in front of Harry. When Harry looks up his mouth cracks into a goofy grin that makes his heart jump up into his throat. He swallows nervously his smile quickly falling away.

"No! You look nice when you smile!" Harry protests which only makes Draco's face heat up. He looks away embarrassed but Harry says "I'm not done! Just give me two more seconds of smiling" He says but Draco shakes his head his face returning to his normal impassive expression. Harry huffs but continues to draw.

"You never told me why you're studying muggle art." Harry says scribbling then erasing. Draco tries to peek at the picture but he can't quite see. "I couldn't before" He says which is true. Harry nods silently then after squinting at him asks "Because of your dad?" He asks and Draco stiffens feeling as though he's under a microscope.

"Uhh, partially." He says feeling awkward.

"And the other parts?" He asks and Draco looks away trying to think of a way out of this conversation.

"I uhh, I had a lot more...traditional beliefs" Draco says wanting to get up and leave but not knowing how without seeming incredibly rude.

"Meaning you were bigoted" Harry says in far too casual tone. It takes him by surprise and Harry watches him with a calculating gaze. He can't help but squirm uncomfortably. It's strange to think about his beliefs and how harmful they have been. He wants to hold on to his family's values but the undeniable truth is that they are rooted in pureblood supremacy.

"It's how I was raised." He says feeling the need to defend himself. Harry shakes his head and sighs seeming disappointed.

"I was hoping that you changed." Harry says "That you're different now." And for some reason this seems to strike Draco in the gut. The idea that he hasn't changed through the years hurts. And to think Harry and the entire wizarding world see him as a bloodthirsty deatheater when he couldn't even bring himself to kill seems a cruel joke. He loves his parents but the things they did in the name of the dark lord were horrific, that is something he can admit to. But to have anyone think they were the same when he couldn't live up to their expectations fills him with a torrent of emotions. He wanted so desperately to be like them and yet Potter is sitting in front of him telling him they are the same.

What is it that he should want? Does he want to be seen as a deatheater? Does he want to be seen as their enemy? What is he meant to be if the only thing he was told to be is no longer possible? If everything is stripped from him, all of the money, and the politics, who is he truly?

He has never been the son that his parents wanted him to be. He wasn't the soldier the dark lord wanted him to be. He isn't the person the wizarding world wants him to be. So if he fails at everything, then what is the point in trying? An overwhelming sadness hits him and with it, a burning rage. His hands shake and his stomach twists violently. "Don't pretend like you know me." He says through gritted teeth as he stands, pulling his wand on Harry who promptly pulls his own. Anger burns through him and he can feel it everywhere at once. "You've got no idea what it was like! You've got no idea the kind of pressure-" He starts but Harry's face darkens as he cuts him off.

"Do you really think being expected to save the wizarding world didn't come with pressure?" Harry spit back back at him suddenly matching Draco's anger.

"You've always been the hero-" Draco yells feeling his pent up anger and frustration brimming inside him.

"I never asked to be a hero!" Harry yells back his face growing red with rage.

"I thought I was the hero!" Draco screams, his wand pressing into Harry's chest and his voice is shaking with anger and unshed tears. "They told me I would be a hero! That the wizarding world would be safer without mudbloods-"

"SAY IT AGAIN!" Harry yells tackling Draco to the ground, his wand pressing hard into Draco's neck. "YOU COWARD!" He yells digging his wand into Draco's neck so hard that his vision swims. "SAY IT!" Harry screams but he can't. Even with his wand stuck into Harry's stomach he is so close to tears that he can't manage to utter the word much less a hex. When he tries to speak the only thing the escapes him is a sob. Then all at once the tears are streaming down his face. With as much force as he can muster he pushes Harry off of him, slamming him against his desk. He breathes in large gasping sobs and throws himself at the door and before he can even wipe away his tears he's running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not how I intended this chapter to go..


	12. Lost but not quite alone

Draco is running as fast as his feet will carry him afraid that if he stops his tears will return. That Harry will be behind him with a hex, or the dark lord sneering at him with a threat on his tongue, or even his parents who mean well but have controlled and pressured him from the day he was born. It feels as though he is running away from everything. Or maybe he is just running from himself, and the repressed emotions inside of him. There is an overwhelming shame in him that he'd broken down and cried in front of Harry. The person he'd always considered his enemy is the only person that has seen him cry in years.

He vaguely registers running out of the school but feeling his shoes hitting the ground is the only thing that is keeping him together, so he just keeps running. There are tears streaming down his face again amd he trips and scrambles up only to keep running. He wipes at his eyes but slowly realizes there's nobody around to see him. Instead when he stops there are only trees looming high above him. Fear instantly grips him as he turns to search for a path out, but there is only the ominous noises of the forbidden forest surrounding him.

He curses searching for his wand but it's missing. A scream of frustration threatens to bubble up inside hin but he pushes it down There are plenty of dangerous creatures in the forbidden forest and any noise could draw them to him. He has to force the image of Frerin Grayback sitting at their dinner table picking flesh out out of his teeth from his mind.

He looks around once more and starts in the direction he thinks he came from. Everything looks the same and with every step twigs crack underfoot and he's certain he'll be attacked. He can hardly breathe as he moves through the forest. His eyes trace along what would be the horizon were it not for the gnarled trees surrounding him in every direction. There isn't a trace of light to tell him the way back to hogwarts.

The forest seems to be getting darker with every minute and the thought of being stuck out here at night is truly horrifying. There is a pit in his stomach thinking about how the dark lord lived in these very woods before coming back into power. He tries not to think of unicorn blood spilled across the roots around him. When the images of gnashing teeth and flesh fill his head he believes he's made up the sound of hooves in the distance.

But when he stops to listen his heart sinks. The hoof beats seem to draw closer and a panic grips him. Instantly he begins scrambling away from the sound, moving as fast as the roots jutting up from the ground will allow. He can hear the numbers grow, more and more hooves pounding against the ground as he struggles to keep from falling in the dwindling light. He rips through the forest but the noise only grows louder like thunder descending upon him. 

The ground seems to shake and his heart matches the erratic pace but he refuses to stop running. His heart is hammering against his ribs and as he tries to sprint forward his foot catches on a root and he goes sprawling to the ground. The hooves are nearly deafening and he flips over wishing he had his wand as he is met with a group of centaurs surrounding him.

"What is your purpose on our land?" One of them bellows, his voice low and commanding. Draco scrambles to his feer and he looks around at the group of a dozen centaurs hoping for a sympathetic face among them. But surely they must know who he is.

"I just got lost" He says trying not to sound scared. "If you point me in the direction of hogwarts then I'll be on my way." He says but their faces stay impassive.

"We don't take kindly to enemies on our land." Says the one in the middle, who he assumes is the leader. Draco swallows hard, his nerves getting the best of him. "I'm- I'm not an enemy" He stammers and there is a scoff from the centaurs. "I've left the ways of the dark lord!" He says even though this isn't entirely true.

"LIES!" One of them calls and Draco takes a step back the booming voice seeming to shake him to his core. "I just want to go back to hogwarts! I don't have my wand!"

But the group has seemingly made up their minds already. They start to close in on him and he knows if he's going to escape that this is his only chance.


	13. An unlikely escape

He can feel his panic rising as the centaurs close in on him and he searches for an opening. Then for a split second, there it is. He dives forward pushing past them and he scrambles across the ground to avoid their stamping hooves. He runs for the thickest of the trees hoping it will slow them down in their pursuit. He weaves between the trees his eyes scanning the ground for rocks and roots that could trip him again.

He tires quickly after having run so much but he pushes forward as he can still hear them. He hides himself behind a tree taking a moment to gulp lungfuls of air. He's about to run again when he feels something yank him roughly to the side. Without thinking his hand balls into a fist and in very muggle fashion he punches whatever it was that grabbed him. Only after he sees Harry doubled over does he recognize him.

"What are you doing here?" He hisses hearing the hooves drawing closer. He looks nervously back wanting desperately to run.

"Saving you, you ungrateful little git" Harry spits holding his stomach as he straightens himself. "I think I'll leave you here instead"

"No!" Draco says frantically shaking his head. "Please, Merlin no! Which way?" Draco asks looking around for a way out.

"Over there!" Calls one of the centaurs and Draco yelps as Harry drags him behind the nearest tree and throws a cloak over both of them.

"They'll find us! Idonwannadie-" Draco says his words so fast and fearfully that they slur together. He tries to run but Harry grabs him roughly yanking him down to the base of the tree.

"Shut up!" Harry hisses his hand gripping tightly against Draco's hip. It made his heart race and he fell silent as the centaurs draw closer. He is shaking slightly even though Harry seems completely unbothered by their imminent capture. His heart drops as hooves pass right beside him. He waits to be dragged out from under the cloak but the centaur passes, then another, and another. As the clopping of their hooves grows quieter Draco shoots Harry a confused look. But Harry is paying him no mind just listening intently for any more centaurs.

"Why did you-" Draco starts but Harry cuts him off with a shush. The hand on his hip feels as though it's burning into him. There are several more moments of silence before Draco pushes his hand away.

"Keep quiet and stay under the cloak" Harry whispers grabbing Draco's arm and pulling him up. He inspects a paper for a moment

Draco watches as they pass entirely dumbfounded as to why they haven't been caught. After a moment of silence Harry stands pulling Draco with him. He quickly pushes away Harry's hand"What-"

"Shut up, you're not forgiven." Harry hisses. "Just because I don't want anyone else to die doesn't mean you can get away with whatever you want." Harry says pulling Draco roughly as they weave through the trees. As he's pulled this way and that he stays silent, aside from the occasional grunt as his shoulder as he is dragged into hitting a tree. He has a sneaking suspicion that most of these are intentional.

"Can you stop pulling me?" Draco huffs and Harry shoots him a glare. "I said no talking" at this Draco glares as Harry pulls him around another tree which knocks against his shoulder. "You're dragging me into trees!" Draco argues and Harry huffs "Then just stay close! Our feet can already be seen if we're not crouching." Draco looks down at their feet and sure enough there seems to be a line which stops just over their ankles. He quickly moves toward Harry until it touches the ground.

Now that he's aware of it he can't stop thinking about it. Each time Harry turns or speeds up even slightly he can see where whatever it is that he's using to keep them concealed drag up and reveal their feet. He has to keep scurrying forward because the idea of getting caught is nearly as bad as the thought of centaurs capturing him.

Once they make it out of the forest Harry makes a detour to stop in Hagrid's garden. He straightens and with the wave of his wand and a muttered incantation silvery light spills out of his wand. "I've found him, sorry for the trouble. I'll be around for tea sometime soon." He says and Draco looks at him confused. But this is quickly overshadowed by the shimmering stag that comes out of Harry's wand. It's undeniably beautiful and Draco watches with wonder.

He'd never been able to cast a patronus, not even a whisp. But standing before him is a fully grown stag that Harry conjured as if it was nothing. He is almost tempted to say something complimentary but when he opens his mouth Harry snatches his arm and begins dragging him back to school.

"Our feet are visible again" Draco says shuffling closer and Harry huffs and even though he can't see him he can imagine him rolling his eyes "If it bothers you then stop being slow." Harry grumbles. As they start crossing the bridge to the main building Draco shuffles behind him and after hesitating several moments he reaches out to loop his hand around Harry's waist. He stiffens for a moment then huffs and continues.

Harry stops to check the map and Draco peers over his shoulder confused when he sees the names of people milling about but Harry stows it away before he can get a proper look. They walk quickly through the now empty corridors and Draco can't help but notice his palms have grown sweaty and his heart refuses to slow down. With every single breath he can smell Harry's shampoo. He wants to be angry, he should be. That's the person he was told to be. But Harry came to save him even after they fought. He'd always thought Harry's gallantry was idiotic, but being on the recieving end it feels different.

He isn't one to apologize but he knows he should. Especially considering Harry might have just saved his life. "Potter-" He says quietly but Harry cuts him off "Shut up" Harry says pushing Draco's hand from his waist as they reach the stairs. Draco's jaw clenches with annoyance but they walk up the stairs silently. Once they reach their room Harry carefully opens the door and upon entering he reaches into his pocket. "Your wand" he says holding out Draco's wand.

"You had it this whole time?" He asks feeling his temper flare. He snatches his wand back and Harry shrugs. His nonchalance at the whole situation only fuels his anger more. Harry grumbles something in a bitter tone then falls into bed. Draco wants to say something, maybe get a rise out of him. But that hadn't ended well last time. With a sigh he goes to lie down in bed wishing the school year could already be over.


	14. Dreamless sleep

It's late at night when Draco is awoken with a crash. As he opens his eyes he sees a hex slam into the wall. He sits up grasping for his wand. But when he casts a lumos there is only Harry with his wand raised breathing heavily as if he's been in the heat of battle. He turns to point his wand at Draco for a moment before he drops his arm. "It's nothing" Harry says falling on his bed and quickly turning himself away from Draco.

There is a hesitation before he gets up but quickly he searches through his trunk. Harry turns to look at him and then he finds it. A little vial of dreamless sleep potion. He takes the potion and places it on Harry's bedside table. He's always found it easiest to apologize with gifts. It may also be a 'please don't tell anybody that I cried and then you had to save me from centaurs' bribe. It's quite a small gift but it will have to do.

"Dreamless sleep" He says by way of explanation scooting it closer to Harry. He looks at the vial for a moment then pushes it away. Without any further discussion he rolls over. Though he can't help but notice that he keeps his glasses on and his wand clenched under his pillow.

He often found himself holding his wand in the same way in when the dark lord was living in the manor. Every noise in the night made him jump and even after he was defeated it still plagued him at times. Draco had to wonder if he was the reason Harry was doing this. He decidedly left the potion just in case he'd take it and went back to bed.

When he woke up the next morning Harry was gone. The little vial was still there but there's no point in taking it back now. He took his own potion that his mother had gotten for him as he gets ready. It tastes a bit chalky though not awfully so. When he got to breakfast it felt like he was being ignored, even though he and Harry had never been on speaking terms. He couldn't even catch his eye. It wouldn't bother him so much if Harry hadn't refused his apology, not once but twice. Granted he never heard the first of the two but Draco felt as though it should count.

Pansy was reading through the prophet, which somehow escaped the scrutiny of wizarding society. She holds up an article to Draco who had been staring at Harry trying to will him to look his way. "Did you know about this?" She asks pointing at the page. He peers over to read the headline **Breaking the imperius curse ~ The Malfoy Story** and he's shocked to see it is an interview with his mother.

He reads over it perplexed. This is obviously a ploy to gain sympathy and it's an outright lie. His mother had never been under the imperious curse, nor anyone in his family. She talked about how voldemort supposedly forced them to house his army. How unfair it was that Lucius was wrongfully imprisoned. Lie after lie written in ink for everyone to see. He knew his mother was attempting to save their image but it feels wrong to lie. They had voluntarily been a part of the war and no amount of lying can change that.

Not to mention those who were imperiused are viewed by purebloods as weak willed. She's risking their standing with purebloods for a ploy that might not even work. As he gets closer to the end she mentions him. Calling him resilient, strong and brave, all things that he isn't. She gave him credit for breaking their supposed imperius curse.

There is flowery language that doesn't sound at all like his mother, cooing over him. She's painted him as a hero even though he has done nothing to deserve that title. She was saying things like"Draco was strong enough to break the curse." And "If it weren't for him we wouldn't have been able to escape the battle." He sets the article down and anxiously runs a hand through his hair. "Nobody is going to believe this" Draco whispers and Pansy takes back the paper.

"We can only hope it won't backfire." She says with a shrug folding up the paper. "She didn't tell you?" She asks and Draco shakes his head. "Typical. We fight in a war and we're still not considered grown up enough to hear our parents plans." She huffs and Draco looks at her curiously, eager to push the article out of his mind.

"Your parents are planning something?" He asks and she nods popping a piece of fruit in her mouth. "Dunno what it is but they're being secretive." She shrugs. "I just want to sleep for like two whole years." She sighs laying her head on the table.

"Sleeping curse pact?" Draco asks and she nods holding her hand out to him without lifting her head "Deal" she says and he rolls his eyes. Grabbing her hand he stands and pulls her up from the table. "Come on we've got alchemy" He says and she groans trudging behind him.

"Guess that's why she told me to be nice to the muggleborns and smiiiile at them." He stretches out the word to make her laugh and she snorts giving up her sour mood and instead hooking her arm in his. "Even I've hardly ever seen you smile!" She says shaking her head.

As they walk he spots Harry in the hallway and the forgiveness that he desired has vanished. Harry absolutely knows the article in the prophet is entirely lies. Forgiveness can wait for another day. He speeds up nearly dragging Pansy with him.


	15. Muggle music

Draco avoids the golden trio like they're the plague all day. There seemed to be a bit less hatred for him today and he dislikes the idea that it could be because of the article. It feels as though everyone should realize that its entirely lies. He willingly took the dark mark, just like his father. He did what he could for Voldemort even if in the end it wasn't much. To think anyone could misconstrue that feels wrong. He did what he did and though he is ashamed there should be no reason for him to deny it.

To think his mother would do something so drastic without so much as informing him is unsurprising. He's never been kept in the loop when it comes to his parents plans. He hardly even knows how they make their money much less what they plan for his own life. You would think he would get some say in it but that has never been the case.

Draco ducks into an alcove when he sees a flash of red hair and he waits as the female Weasley passes. It's tiring to continually hide like this but it feels preferable to being hexed into oblivion. She has a nasty jelly legs jinx that makes your legs ache for days afterwards. And if just one of them knows then surely all of them know.

He's managed to make it most of the way through the day without running into any of them. He has one final class then he'll have to figure out how to avoid Harry even though they share a room. As his class is a muggle subject he's not looking forward to it very much. It always seems that they speak in a forgein language. The teacher will at times say utter nonsense and nobody else seems at all bothered. It feels like some sort of elaborate prank.

He shuffles into the muggle music room taking a seat. Upon seeing Harry sitting amongst the other students he wants to hide but there's really no use. When Harry glances his way his stomach twists and the icy glare chills him to his core. By that look alone he has undoubtedly read the article. He can feel his insides shrivel up and if he could disappear through the floor then he would.

How is he supposed to explain it away? Most people don't know what it looks like for someone to be under an imperius curse. But Harry certainly does and they'd interacted enough over the years that clearly he was a git of his own free will the entire time. He could tell the truth but why would Harry believe he didn't have a hand in whatever his mother was scheming?

He's so wrapt in his own spiraling that he only realizes the teacher has asked a question when several hands shoot up. She waves over one of the students and gestures to an old piano near him. He's familiar with these and had always assumed they were a wizard invention, though they simply played by themselves in his own home. It seems for the best as the boy struggles through a simple song and quickly runs back to his chsir with a bright red face. The teacher seems unbothered though and simply waves up the next student. She plays another song he's unfamiliar with it's not bad but her face is strained as she tries to rwmeember where to place her fingers.

He's trying to block it out as he looks over a little booklet that makes no sense at all. And that is when Harry takes a seat at the piano. Draco's eyes flicker up and as soon as he starts playing, the music seems to hit him in the chest. It's soft and slow and it doesn't sound at all like a wizard's piano. Something about Harry playing it makes it sound different than anything he has ever heard. Inexplicably his heart picks up and his eyes are glued to Harry.

Harry has always seemed out of reach. He was always too noble, too honest, too brave. But he can see the small smile turning up his lips and he can feel his own face growing hot. He swallows, quickly looking away but his eyes continue to flicker back. He can feel himself smiling but he can't stop it. Even if he could, he wouldn't really want to. He doesn't have the words to explain why his heart is beating so erratically or why he's smiling but it feels right.

As the song finishes he looks up one last time before sheepishly looking away. As he tries to rid himself of his smile he notices the girl that played before Harry looking directly at him. He promptly covers his cheeks even though he knows there won't be any dimples. His smile drops and he quickly hides his head in his arms until he feels as though his cheeks are no longer flushed. It feels as though he's been caught doing something wrong. All he's doing is smiling, he's even allowed to smile now. But the overwhelming question in his head is why. Why couldn't he stop himself from smiling?

This is an all consuming question. He can't so much as glance in Harry's direction without feeling his face heat up. To his overwhelming embarrassment he catches the eyes of a muggleborn girl staring at him. He instinctually wants to cover his cheeks but instead he lies his head down on his resk hiding his face. His stomach churns and he wants to scream but he can still hear the piano and the picture of Harry playing won't leave his mind. It bothers him, he shouldn't be feeling anything but hatred for Harry. They're enemies, they always have been. But for some reason Harry won't leave his head. As soon as class is done he bolts for the door, needing to be as far away from Harry as possible.


	16. I'll be watching you, Malfoy

Draco sits on his bed horrified and trying to calm down. Why did his heart seem to flutter anytime he thought about Harry? He is holding one of his textbooks moreso looking through it than at it. His heartrate suddenly triples when he hears the door open and Harry walks in. He's silently trying to figure out a way to leave without looking like he's avoiding Harry. But with the incident last night and the article this morning he has to clear things up.

He watches Harry over the top of his book as he pulls something out of his trunk. Then he quickly uses a spell enlarging it to reveal a training dummy. He starts pushing things around to make a bit more room and Draco wants to ask why but talking to Harry casually is probably the last thing he should be doing. Harry hasn't so much as looked his direction but the spite and anger he can feel in the room is overwhelming. He waits until Harry has stowed his wand in the pocket of his trousers before he takes a breath in, steadying himself to speak.

Though, as soon as he does Harry starts to pull off his cloak and unbutton his shirt and he seems to choke. Harry still hasn't looked at him but Draco's mouth has gone dry and his cheeks heat up. Harry is only in trousers, his wand sticking up from his pocket as he squares up with the dummy and then there is a loud _thwap thwap_ as Harry's fists collide with the dummy, then again. Draco peers over his textbook, which is definitely a mistake. His mouth grows suddenly dry as he stares at Harry.

He can't pull his eyes away as Harry hits the dummy again. His muscles shifting with each movement, Draco closes his eyes feeling embarrassed but with each hit he can see Harry behind his eyelids imagining his strong arms. He tries to push the images away, but with the next hit there is a grunt that for a split second makes him imagine Harry's lips soft and slightly parted. His eyes pop open and he says quickly "Potter!" Needing the onslaught to his brain to end. For the first time Harry looks over at him, his glare piercing. He fumbles for a moment trying to remember why he wanted to talk with Harry in the first place. "I uh I wanted to apologize" Draco stammers and he wants to die on the spot.

"For what exactly?" Harry asks through gritted teeth turning back to hit the dummy even harder. "For, um, for-" He tries but he swallows hard when Harry's fist connects with the dummy. "For saying uh mud..you know" Draco says awkwardly knowing if he says mudblood again even to apologize it will only make Harry more angry. But Harry turns to him his expression furious. "You're sorry?" He scoffs taking a step closer. "Are you really? It definitely doesn't seem like you are if you're in the papers pretending you weren't the dark lord's lackey" Harry spits.

"That was my mother's idea, I was just as surprised as anyone else" Draco says trying to look at Harry's face instead of his chest. "Oh of course!" Harry says sarcastically "You're never to blame, are you?"

"I never said that!" Draco huffs trying to keep the defensiveness out of his tone as he stands from his bed. He sighs running a hand through his hair unsure how to remedy the situation. "I'm watching you, Malfoy. " Harry growls moving in close to whisper "If you try anything then I won't hesitate." A strange mix of fear and desire washes over Draco followed by overwhelming confusion. He looks into Harry's eyes his jaw clenched as he forces himself not to look away.

He reminds himself of the lessons he was taught as a child to control his emotions he takes a breath "I expect nothing less, Potter." He manages to say in a bored tone even though everything in him is screaming at how close Harry is. He could reach out and touch him, but doing so would likely get him hexed. "I think I'll go study elsewhere." He hisses grabbing his book and marching out of the room. He sighs heavily once he's halfway down the hall equally relieved to be away from Harry and confused at his desire to be closer to him. He hurries down the hall towards Pansy's room in need of advice.


	17. Just one more year

Draco knocks on Pansy's door impatiently bouncing from foot to foot. He normally doesn't have this sort of nervous energy but he just can't seem to stand still. As soon as she opens the door he pushes his way in. "Is your roommate here?" He asks peering around and she huffs still holding the door open "Oh w _o_ w _i_ t _'s_ l _o_ v _el_ y t _o_ s _e_ e yo _u_ to _o_ Dra _c_ o, pl _ea_ se co _m_ e in and-" She starts sarcastically but Draco cuts in.

"Pansy I'm being serious!" He says and she sighs rolling her eyes. "Fine, what is it?" She asks closing the door and plopping down on her bed. He suddenly goes silent wondering if he should actually go through with telling her. He looks around the room again and fidgets for a moment "My roommate is gone, happy? Come on, spit it out."

"What if..what if maybe I liked someone that I probably shouldn't and-" He says fidgeting as he speaks but she cuts him off to say "You like Potter don't you?" And his horrified silence only confirms her suspicions. "Draco, why now? Do you enjoy making things harder for yourself?"

"I can't help it! Just all of a sudden-" She suddenly laughs and he glares daggers at her "What are you talking about? You've liked him for years!" She says and he shakes his head "No I haven't!" He says crossing his arms suddenly defensive. "I just saw him playing piano and he was shirtless and I-"

"Draco! You absolute idiot!" She says laughing "You're trying to tell me that when you would stare longingly across the great hall you didn't have a crush on him?" She says in a disbelieving tone. "I've never stared longingly!" He huffs.

"Okay, then when you cut his face out of every magazine in the slytherin dorms for your _hate collage_ that was just friendly rivalry?" She asks incredulously. He stares at her a moment ".....Yes?" He says slowly beginning to feel unsure himself. She gives him a pointed look and his brain seems to sluggishly click things into place. "Oh god...I...I've liked him the whole time" He says horrified as he thinks over the last few years. All the times they've fought and the way his heart would race whenever Harry was around. It's easy to pretend that it's anger, hate, maybe even fear, because having a crush is pretty forgein to him. It seems to mundane, such s simple and pure thing that is oh so dangerous.

He stands beginning to pace across the room "Pansy! I liked him the whole time! What the fuck?" He cries running a hand through his hair anxiously. "Draco, relax." She says standing with him and grabbing his arm to keep him still. "If you've liked him so long then what's one more year?" She asks pulling him into a hug. He slouches resting his head on her shoulder. "I'm an idiot." He groans and she sighs patting his back. 

"Maybe a little, but you've got one more year and that's all." She says again backing away so that he'll lift his head to look at him. "One more year and the most interaction you'll have with Potter are a few awkward words in passing." Draco is silent for a moment and her smile is so warm and open that he has to look away. The thought of Potter, someone who has spent his years obsessing over, someone who is brave and strong and everything that Draco isn't makes his heart ache. "What if I don't want that?" He says quietly and her smile falls.

"You know pureblood rules." She says shaking her head. "You can't be with him." And something in her voice makes him look up. A certain yearning that makes him feel a little less alone. But just as quickly as it appeared does it disappear. They look at one another for a moment and Draco tries to figure out if he had truly heard what he'd heard. "Who is it?" He asks but herexpression has turned stoney. "You know your place and I know mine." She says sternly.

They're both quiet for another moment before he speaks again"Just one more year?" He says quietly, more of a question than anything and she nods. They sit down on the edge of her bed and Draco sighs softly "Why him? Out of everyone, why did it have to be him?" And at this Pansy cracks a smile. "You've always wanted what you can't have."

He rolls his eyes and leans against her. "What I want is a friend that isn't ridiculously perceptive yet ferociously secretive." And she smiles "Like I said, you want what you can't have." At this he huffs a soft laugh through his nose, his lips unmoving and Pansy turns to him to give him one last piece of advice. "Be careful Draco," she says quietly almost as if she is saying in to herself.


	18. Too weak to be a Malfoy

Draco and Pansy sit together for a long time either studying or in amicable silence. Draco can't quite find the guts to return to his own room and Pansy doesn't seem eager to force him to leave. It's only after Ginny returns with Luna on her heels that Pansy suggests they go for a walk. And by the glares the two of them throw at one another Draco knows he isn't going to want to argue. They walk in silence and the feeling is comforting in a way that he has missed dearly.

He had missed all of his friends, it wasn't just the summer in which hogwarts was being rebuilt. It was their time in the war as well. It was difficult to be comfortable back then. During those times they could scarcely speak of anything but the war. They would speak endlessly about the dark lord's plans, about who was in azkaban, what they wish they could do in the war. But when they weren't speaking of war none of them were speaking much at all. It had consumed them, and even now it's hard to forget.

To lose a war is a terrible thing, particularly when everyone you have ever loved loses alongside you. If he could go back he wouldn't waste his time scheming ways to insert himself into the battle. He should have protected his family and friends, though they would undoubtedly refused to have listened. He and all of Voldemort's other supporters were childishly hopeful that he would carry them to an idyllic future. Draco wanted his approval so desperately but the dark lord trusted nobody. It seems the harder he tried the more that he was hated. 

After the war was over Draco realized that in all the time that Voldemort lived with them he had never once smiled. This fact often woke him late at night with a cold sweat prickling his skin. It's horrifying to acknowledge that he is far more like the dark lord than he is willing to admit. This would have been something that he would have celebrated hardly even months before the war had ended. But once the dark lord was gone he was able to see him for what he was. He was cruel, vengeful, devoid of love or happiness. It is a fate he wouldn't wish upon even the worst of mankind. However it would seem that is who he was trained to be. So he has to question whether he deserves it. He was so much like the dark lord, they shared the same ambition, ruthlessness, and bigotry as much as he hated go admit it. And yet the only thing that stood in his way was his cowardice that kept him from killing.

So many died and yet he survived, it seems like a waste. He had always simply wanted to protect his family, make them proud and uphold their name. He had been trained to duel nearly as soon as he could flick a wand yet he has never been able to kill. He is too soft to be a Malfoy. Were he not an only child he felt he would have been burned from their family tree the night he couldn't bring himself to kill Dumbledore. 

Draco is broken from his thoughts when he hears Pansy yelp grabbing his arm tightly. His heart is hit with adrenaline and his wand is in his hand before he has even grasped what's happening. But then he sees it, a young witch splayed across the cobblestone floor. Her eyes are glassy and she lay motionless on the ground, her limbs jutting at awkward angles. "Do you think she's dead?" Pansy whispers pulling out her own wand and quickly turning to check the area for an attacker. He wishes he could say no but he can't see her chest moving and she is at the very least unconcious.

With a cautious look around the hall he makes his way closer even as Pansy tries to pull him back. She is young and has a slightly familiar face though he can't quite place it. He kicks away her wand just in case and kneels over her. He hasn't had much medical training aside from healing minor wounds during the war. Normally if someone was injured they were left more or less to either heal themselves or be killed outright.

She doesn't seem to have any visible injuries. He touches her throat and it takes him a moment to find her pulse but when he does he turns to Pansy and says "Go find Madam Pomfrey!" and there is a pause in which Pansy doesn't move. 

"They'll think you did it Draco." She says quietly. He silently hesitates but he can feel her pulse thrumming against his fingertips. Just as much as he can't bring himseld to kill anyone letting someone die when he could potentially keep them alive seem just as awful. "Just go." He says to her moving to do chest compression which he has only tried twice both times failing. He hears Pansy run off as he starts even though he's unsure if he's doing it right. She makes no move as he continues and if it weren't for her pulse he would be convinced that she is already dead. She has that same glassy eyed far away look that corpses have. It is eerily familiar to see someone looking straight through him instead of at him but he can't look at her eyes.

He's unsure of how long he's been there when he hears the sound of footsteps rushing down the hall. Promptly is hands are pushed away and instead a spell is cast to take over for him. He looks up at the small crowd that was gathered around them. Madam Pomfrey casts another spell to carefully levitate her off of he ground.

"What happened?" A second year boy asks, looking to Draco with wide eyes "I..I don't know" He says peering at the unconcious girl. Before he can get a better look Madam Pomfrey is rushing her away and he is left in the crowd of students. He and pansy share a worried look, not only for the girl but for themselves. If she was hexed there is no way that one of them won't be blamed.


	19. One week of peace

It only takes a single look between Pansy and Draco for both of them to silently agree that it's time to flee. Even though they haven't done anything, the desire for self preservation prevails. Draco jerks his head down the hall and she quickly moves toward him. The first year however is stands in front of him with a curious expression. "Are you Draco Malfoy?" He asks and seeing no way to ignore him without appearing incredibly rude he simply says "Yes" and nods slightly. The boy breaks into a grin grabbing a small notebook from his pocket. "And you were trying to save that girl?" He asks looking entirely enraptured, his pen poised to write.

"I..yes..I was." He says feeling awkward as the boy scribbles in his notebook. "She was already passed out when we-uh I found her." He says slightly defensive and unsure if he should mention Pansy was with him. He looks to Pansy pleading for her to save him. "It's very sad that she was hurt and we did what we could hopefully she will recover soon." She says with a smile, she has always been better at charming people than him. "It's nearly curfew so we should all be heading back to our dorms now don't you think?"

"Oh yes of course I just have a few more questions." He says pushing even more. "Do you know the girl, or did you see any-"

"I've never met her, but I'm sure once Madam Pomfrey is finished helping her you can get all the details from her." She says shutting him down with a sweet tone and a soft smile. "We really must be going" She says grabbing Draco by the arm and he gratefully follows her. The boy tries to call them back but they hurry away

"I really don't need some kid writing some scathing article in the school newspaper about me" Draco grumbles as they turn the corner. Pansy stays in step with him as they walk. "For what it's worth nobody actually reads it and he didn't seem very accusatory." She says with a hopeful tonw "Besides she'll probably be healed by tomorrow."

"I just want one week of peace." Draco sighs only realizing he'd unintentionally walked back to his dorm once he is stopped in front of the door. "Your dorm is back this way isn't it?" He asks pointing down the hall he begins to walk away when Pansy grabs his collar and pulls him back toward his room.

"Unless you want to get hexed by Weaslette then I suggest we stay here." She says and he sighs heavily trying to find a way out of it. "He might not even be here." She says pushing the door open unceremoniously. Draco is expecting a shirtless and furious Harry on the other side of the door ready to duel at a moment's notice. But instead they are met by an empty room. He breathes out a sigh of relief as they move to his side of the room. He flops down on his bed and says "Only a mildly serious question, how much would I have to pay you to polyjuice yourself into me for the rest of the year?" He asks with a sigh.

"I'm pretty sure you could give me your entire inheritance and it still wouldn't be enough." She says laughing and he groans grabbing his pillow and chucking it at her. "What are friends for if not to pretend to be you when your life is hard?" He says jokingly and she juts out her bottom lip in faux pity before throwing his pillow back and flopping down on his bed as well.

"Draco," She says when she has gotten comfortable. "What do you think happened to that girl?" She asks and Draco sighs tugging at a loose thread in his sheets.

"I'm not sure, it wasn't any hexes that I know of." He says and Pansy is quiet for a moment. "Who do you think hexed her?" She asks but he knows the real meaning behind her words. An innate fear that has prickled in the back of his mind from time to time as well. "It wasn't him, you know that just as well as I do. We watched the dark lord die." She nods quietly then sighs and rests her head against his shoulder.

"And what if she isn't better by tomorrow? Do you think we'll be blamed?" She asks and he shrugs, her head jostled as he does. "They'll blame me, and if that happens then I've never heard your name in my life." He says seriously and she grins. "I can talk to that little reporter if you want, I'm very convincing with a wand in my hand." She says and he reaches a hand over to pat her head "Thanks Pans, you don't have to do that though."

They sit in a comfortable silence and eventually Draco falls asleep. He doesn't know when Pansy leaves but it's still dark when he wakes up. The sun is just starting to rise over the horizon as he get up. He can see Harry sleeping on the other side of the room. He quietly sneaks around the room getting ready in the hopes that Harry won't wake up. He's already got to deal with whatever will come from the witch they'd found next, he can't really deal with being hexed and possibly expelled in the same day. He grabs things and rushes out of the room not wanting to be around Harry any more than necessary. He is already trying to suppress whatever feelings he has for him though it is harder now that he is aware of them. Though he can't quite sort out what exactly he wants from Harry. The conflicting nature of their rivalry with this new found attraction is strange. It is easier to be angry with him than confront his own thoughts and feelings. He has buried his emotions so many times that it feels second nature.

As he reaches the great hall he takes a deep breath already smelling breakfast being cooked by the house elves. It's silent though and the candles floating high above flicker. So as he waits for the rest of hogwarts to wake he buries his nose in an alchemy book and does his best not to think about Harry Potter.


	20. My dearest dumb Draco

Eventually the great hall begins to fill with students. It always feels as though he is being stared at when he is sitting alone. He tries to ignore the feeling of eyes on him as he continues to read. It's not until Crabbe sits down next to him that he finally pulls his nose out of his book. But the first thing out of his mouth without so much as a good morning is, "Is it true?" And Draco feels dread creep into him wondering if his mother had another interview in the prophet. Denying their part in the war would only make things increasingly hostile between him and Harry and he can't really deny it without outing the fact that his mother lied. But what Crabbe holds out instead is The Hogwarts Journal. It's the student led newspaper started up by a couple students at the start of term. Nobody really read it as far as he knew.

But he takes the journal, which is more a pamphlet than anything and right on the headline is his name in big bold letter. But instead of the normal accusations or a nearly slanderous piece the headline screams _DRACO MALFOY SAVES MUGGLEBORN WITCH'S LIFE!_ Beneath it is a picture he wasn't even aware had been taken of him leaned over the witch last night looking panicked as he tried to get her to breathe. Just as Madam Pomfrey rushes into frame and he looks up at her the picture loops back to the beginning. Under the picture it reads

_Late last night a muggleborn witch by the name of Mary Anne Blythe was severely injured on school grounds. She was rendered unconcious and temporarily lost the ability to breathe. She was last seen being taken to the infirmirary and has yet to regain conciousness. Previously imperiused follower of you know who, Draco Malfoy, was seen attempting to revive her when we arrived on the scene._

He drops the article even though he isn't finished with it. He is simultaneously happy that he wasn't being blamed but even moreso conflicted that they were continuing the lie that he had been imperiused during the war. After all that he's done it feels strange that he might be given the benefit of the doubt which he truly doesn't think he deserves. 

There is an unsettled feeling in his gut even though he should feel overjoyed. But Crabbe says again "So is it true?" And Draco nods silently wondering if the girl is still unconcious this morning instead of acknowledging the sinking feeling in his gut. "I don't know anything really, I didn't even know her name." He says feeling empty though unsure as to why.

He tries to read further but it makes him feel slightly ill. He only manages a third of his breakfast before he gives up. Pansy comes into the great hall smiling and says "Did you see the article?" She asks grabbing a strawberry from the middle of the table. "You're welcome!" She says in a sing song voice before popping the fruit into her mouth and taking a seat next to him. "That was you?" He asks still unsure how to feel.

"Yep!" She says with a pop of the p, "It's great isn't it?" She says grinning "I couldn't get them to drop the whole _imperiused_ thing for you but it has a very positive spin in your favor. I expect your mum to send me a gift basket." She says with a smirk and Draco can't help but be amused by her. Then something dawns on him.

"You didn't hex him did you?" He asks dropping his voice so it can't be overheard and she shakes her head. "Not even a little threat, are you proud?" She says and he brings up a hand to cover a small smile. "The paper seems to be mostly run by first years, it's not my fault they're impressionable." She says with a shrug stealing a piece of toast from his plate. "Plus I was telling them the truth anyways just framing you as the gryffindor hero jumping into action that you are." She says and he crinkles his nose. "Gross, don't call me that!" And she rolls her eyes and steals his plate of food instead of getting her own.

This is when headmaster mcgonagall steps up to the front of the room. Holding up her wand to her throat she begins to speak, her voice amplified across the room. Completely skipping a greeting he says "As some of you are already aware, there has been an injury on Hogwarts grounds." There is a ripple of whispers across the room but she continues. "Rest assured that this issue will be dealt with. We will not tolerate this sort of violence within Hogwarts walls. If anybody has information on the attack come see me in my office after class." With this she takes her seat and there is immediate chatter among the students.

Pansy reaches over to snag the article quickly folding it into a little airplane. "What-" Draco starts but before he can even ask she has already charmed it to fly across the room. He gives her a long suffering look and she shrugs. "I'm spreading the news." She says nonchalantly. "If Potter thinks that I'm still trying to convince people I was imperiused he'll hex me for sure."

She shakes her head swallowing a mouthful of food. "My dearest dumb Draco" She says on a sigh. "You didn't even read the whole thing. I told them to put in that you denied their interview, you have complete culpability. Its not _your_ fault that they just got their incorrect information from the prophet like everyone else." She is smirking and he shakes his head "You're kind of a genius and truly just so very slytherin." And she beams at him "Thank you!" She says happily then stands from the table to go to class.


	21. A warning and an extended hand

The Hogwarts Journal which hardly anyone had even read until this morning was all anyone could talk about. Were it any other year Draco would have basked in the attention. But this year all he wants is to get through school with grades good enough to get him an alchemy internship. No unnecessary attention, no drama, no death, just good grades and a future with a stable income. But of course that isn't what he's going to get.

The attention from the article is polarizing to say the least. The first time someone actually walked up to him to ask about what happened it was jarring. There were even a few first years who knew the girl that had been hexed that came up to thank him. He was so surprised that he could only managed a sentence of halting sympathy. Though many people were still avoiding him there seemed to be slightly less hostility than there was when they started term.

He's headed to runes when he hears a voice call "Mr.Malfoy!" And he turns absolutely certain that he must be in trouble. Headmistress Mcgonagall moves toward him through the sea of students. "I do hope you intended to come see me in my office. You were the student that found Ms.Blythe are you not?" She says pointedly and he feels himself shrink under her gaze. "I-uh I found her but I don't know anything else." He says hoping he can get out of it entirely even though he knows that isn't likely. He has always felt a bit intimidated by Mcgonagall, even when she was a professor instead of headmistress. She is stern and had never showed him any special treatment which he had grown accustomed to in his youth.

"Walk with me if you will." She says gesturing for him to follow. He looks back at Pansy wishing she might think up something to get him out of it but Mcgonagall says "That wasn't a suggestion." And he regretfully turns to follow her.

"I really don't know anything. We just found her and I was trying to help and-" He starts but she stops him with the wave of her hand. "I'm aware that you didn't attack her directly." She says though the phrasing she used is not comforting to him in the slightest. "We have a new form of security that allows us to tracks spells. There weren't any spells performed in that hall all day much less in the time that you were there. But that creates far more questions than it answers." He is quiet hoping she will spit out whether or not he is being accused or not. They walk up a flight of stairs and he quickly realizes where they're going.

"I have to wonder, if she was not hexed there, then where was she hexed? Did her attacker move her body? If so then how did they move her without being seen by others?" She says slowly and Draco nods silently as they reach the doors to the infirmary. "I don't know if you can answer my questions but I would like for you to see her regardless." Then she pushes the door open nodding to Madam Pomfrey as she makes her way to a bed in the back of the room. He can't understand why she wants this, especially if she doesn't think it's him but he follows behind her until she moves aside a curtain to reveal the young witch.

He gasps softly when he sees her. Her skin is pale and her cheeks are sunken. Her health seems to be rapidly deteriorating and her breathing is uneven and ragged. "She's dying." He says and it feels as though there is a weight on his chest. She reminds him far too eerily of the corpses that had been strewn around hogwarts during that final battle. He can feel the headmistress' gaze on him, he can feel her calculating his every move. It is unsurprising that he is still a suspect in her mind.

"I didn't do this, I couldn't." He says unable to look away from the girl's face. "I was trying to help, that's all." He jumps when he hears madam Pomfrey speak next to him "And you did dear, I don't know if she would have survived had you not found her when you did." She says carrying potions to the bedside table. He is quiet for a moment "But she will survive? She'll wake up won't she?" He asks and worry slips into his voice. That worry only increases when she doesn't answer immediately.

"I don't know what sort of hex I'm trying to counteract which makes it difficult to find an antidote." She says wiping at the witch's forehead which has grown sweaty even though she remains deathly pale. "There is always a solution." She says and something in her voice makes him look up to see her brow furrowed in concentration as she scribbles something down on a clipboard. She has saved so many lives through the last two wars it is hard to believe she couldn't heal one hexed child which brings him a small comfort.

He looks down at the girl then to the headmistress "Why did you bring me here?" He asks feeling his chest constrict slightly around the words. Mcgonagall looks at him for a moment longer. "This is a warning and an extended hand. Dumbledore told me before his death-" Draco flinches slightly at the mention of dumbledore but Mcgonagall continues. "He told me that after the war is over and Voldemort is dead that there are still battles to be won. This," She says gesturing to Mary who hasn't opened her eyes nor moved a muscle. "Is one of those battles. I am asking regardless of whether you were or were not a part of this attack, what do you value and what side are you on? That is entirely your decision."

She doesn't wait for him to answer, instead she nods to Madam Pomfrey and turns to leave. He watches as she goes and he can't quite decipher how he feels. He looks back at the girl in her corpselike state and for some reason he wants to cry. He grasps for something solid within himself as he stand motionless. The idea that this attack might be from Voldemort's supporters fills him with an overwhelming fear. It has been easy to pretend that the war is behind him, but there is no better motivator than the death of a leader. If there is a resurgence then where do his allegiances lie? It is a question he hasn't wanted to think about.

He swallows his fear, burying it deep down. He has repressed so much that it is easier to be angry than to be afraid. And he is angry completely engulfed in it. But who that anger is directed at? He isn't entirely sure. He has never known a world in which he wasn't preparing for war and the hope that maybe now he is free is just a childish delusion.

"Are you alright dear?" Draco's head snaps up suddenly alert, ready to fight at the drop of a pin. But Madam Pomfrey is looking at him worriedly and he swallows down his anger and all the emotions within himself. He lets his expression glaze over to a cool neutrality and says as evenly as he can manage "I'm fine, thank you." Though his voice catches on the last word he turns to flee.


	22. A desperate letter

Draco keeps his head down all day, not wanting to draw any added attention to himself. He still isn't sure that he's fully processed his conversation with the headmistress but it continues to replay in his mind. Though it is a welcome reprieve from the face of the hexed girl. He manages to avoid any contact with the golden trio as the day continues. Even when they have classes together he purposefully sits entirely across the room and essentially runs out of the classroom as soon as they're dismissed.

Instead of going to his last class of the day he skips hoping he can beat Harry to their dorm and be out before class is over. As soon as he closes the door behind him he throws himself onto his bed. He's ready to sleep, preferably through the rest of the year. He sighs flipping over to look at his plants hanging above him. Some of their leaves have started to wilt from lack of water and he feels mildly guilty. He's been so caught up with everything that he's neglected them.

He lays there for a moment longer before he rolls out of bed and goes to fill a bottle with water. He has always found the gardening portion of potion making to be calming. In the process of making a potion one false move and the whole thing could go sour. But plants are forgiving, if you don't water them then they may wilt but if you give them love then they will flourish. The stream of water stops suddenly as he looks down at one of the many wilted plants and his heart aches. Maybe with some love and water he can grow strong as well. He carefully waters each of them then grabs a paper ink and quill.

He tells his mother about how he saved the muggleborn girl, how they put in the paper that they said he was imperiused. He wrote that he would double his efforts to fix their legacy, he would do everything she said, he would smile at muggleborns and be as friendly as he could possibly be.

It takes several rewrites to leech out every ounce of desperation, the near pleading of his words for her validation. He would hate for her to see him waver. Its just that he doesn't entirely know who he is or what he is supposed to do. But he knows he loves his family, that they sacrificed everything for him. Surely he just needs her reassurance then all of his worries will go away.

He ties up the letter and it feels as though a weight has lifted off of his chest. Though that weight slams back down on him when he hears the door behind him open. It's too early, surely class hasn't let out yet. But when he turns Harry is standing in the doorway. He can already feel the anger rolling off of him and he grips the letter in one hand and his wand in the other. "Potter" He says tersely hoping for their normal uncomfortable greeting.

"It was you wasn't it?" Harry says and Draco tries to look innocent, something that doesn't come naturally to him even when he is. "I don't know what you mean" He says wishing Harry would move out of the doorway.

"So it's just coincidence that after you claimed to have never been imperiused that you inexplicably save a muggleborn?" He asks and Draco had every intention of saying yes, of once again denying his mother's words. But with the letter to his mother in his hand, how much he needs her guidance right now he can't bring himself to extricate himself from her lies. "I found her, I helped her, that's all there is to it." He says sidestepping so Harry will have to move to be in a better place if either one of them were to attack.

"You may be shocked to know that I'm not an awful person." Draco says, though he isn't sure of that but he sidesteps again and Harry moves with him. "I didn't do anything wrong, so just leave me alone." He side steps again now close enough to the door. "Now if you don't mind, golden boy" he spits the name like it is made of venom. "I'll be going" he says quickly grabbing the door and slipping out smoothly. He walks quickly down the hall just in case Harry decides to follow.

After he feels as though he is safe he makes his way up the stairs towards the owlery. He clutches tight to his letter until the moment he ties it to the owl's leg. He is already yearning to hear her reply and he watches out the window until the owl disappears over the horizon. He stays there a while longer until he hears the voices of other students.

He quite desperately needs silence but the idea of being alone with himself sounds like a horrifying prospect. Even his friends would force him to talk about what happened with the headmistress. And if he let slop that Harry was even remotely angry with him they would want every detail.

Then an idea dawns on him. There is at least one person in the whole school that will sit with him in silence and not utter a single word. Without questioning whether it's a good idea or not he immediately starts heading for the infirmirary.


	23. So be it

Madam Pomfrey seems surprised to see him but she lets him into the the infirmary anyway. He thanks her then goes to the back of the room where Mary lay. There had obviously been been visitors as her hair had been brushed and there were flowers in a little vase by her bedside. There is a note with her name in curling letters and a tiny heart. It is clearly a love note and he can't help but think it's sweet. Love is a beautiful thing even if he doesn't understand it himself.

Not that he doesn't love his family and friends just that he has never known romantic love. He had shortly forced himself into a relationship with Pansy that neither of them seemed to enjoy. Their parents would have been thrilled if the two of them one day got married though. He shrugs off the memory and takes a seat next to Mary.

Draco has only been in the infirmirary a handful of times and he was always an absolute pain. He would whine and moan the entire time or if it was his friend that was injured he would demand all attention on them even when it was unnecessary. It's embarrassing to think about and how Madam Pomfrey put up with him is beyond him entirely. He looks up when she pulls aside the curtain holding a tray of vials and promptly gets to work carefully measuring each one.

"What's that?" He asks looking curiously at the potions. He's always loved potions and if anything can distract him then this is it. "Drimuff" She says double checking before putting it into Mary's iv. "Isn't that to ward away dreams?" He asks and she nods. "That's right." She says flicking the next one she has to wait for the last of the drimuff to drain before she adds it. "It'll help keep her from falling too deeply into sleep and hopefully wake her in time."

"And that one is dandelion root?" He asks unable to help himself pointing at the next syringe. "To stop inflammation, right?" He asks eager to be praised. She smiles slightly "Where did you learn that? We don't tend to cover weeds much less muggle weeds in herbology." And he sits up straighter feeling pride knowing this is something he can brag about without guilt. "I've been studying, I'd like to be an alchemist!" He says expecting her to be impressed but she scrunches her nose at his words.

"That's..innocuous." She says prepping the next vial. Everyone he's told up until this point has praised him for his ambition or encouraged him. But her response is tempid at best. "Is there something wrong with being an alchemist?" He asks feeling slightly defensive.

"No, not at all." She says with the shake of her head. "Alchemist is a difficult profession." She says which only makes him feel even worse. "So you're saying you don't think I could?" He says ready to up and leave the infirmary altogether. She glances over at him and shakes her head. "You could, I don't doubt that. You're a talented and driven student." The compliment takes him off guard and he stares at her wondering where this is going. "The prestige of the title is very alluring and looks good to the public. Or am I wrong?" She asks and he quickly looks away knowing she has realised he is only chasing the title solely for that reason.

Draco decides not to answer and instead questions the next vial. "What's that one?" Pomfrey holds up the thick golden liquid to the light where it shines at the bottom of the glass. "Honey and acacia extract." He tries to think of the use this one might have. "Iets general healing?" He asks and she shakes her head "Not quite. "Alone they can heal minor wounds. But together," She says tapping the vial. "They create a potent healing salve." She says taking a bit and smoothing it across the girl's forehead then she gently presses some sort of leaf against it.

She starts to explain the uses of different herbs and how they interact with one another. How egg shell can protect you, and sunflower seeds can bring you happiness. As she speaks he can feel himself relaxing. He may not know how he feels about Harry, or what side he might be on in a resurgence, but he knows potions. That is one thing he can be sure of.

By the time he leaves it's nearly curfew and he feels far lighter than he has in a while. He still has the same issues he had several hours prior but with herb correspondences floating in his head it feels as though his problems are far more inconsequential. As he passes a boy in the hall he even manages to smile at him. All he has to do is stay focused. He is here to make his family proud and if that means smiling and getting good grades then so be it. 


	24. Difficult news

Draco has decided that he's going to ignore the very existence of Harry Potter. Whenever Harry enters a room then he leaves. When they have classes together his eyes are fixed at the front of the room. Even if keeping himself from watching him play piano in music and duel in defense against the dark arts makes him feel like he is slowly going insane. In his free time he has found himself in the infirmirary. Mary continues to be in a comatose state and as the days go by several other students are hexed as well. Aside from slowing the process madam pomfrey has yet to find a cure.

He has taken to helping her with some of the students that come in with minor illnesses and injuries. Though he has to convince her every single time. He figures it will look food on his resume when he's trying to become an alchemist, or at least that's what he tells himself. He tries to ignore the satisfaction when he is able to correctly diagnose a student. He already knows his path and nothing will derail him.

With each hexing and every passing day without word from his mother he's sure that there must be a resurgence afoot. Even though she hasn't written him she seems to be on great speaking terms with the prophet. Every other day there is a new story or interview. She has always been charismatic and quick witted which lends itself nicely to bold faced lies. The prophet seems to wholeheartedly believe her and the support of his family continues to grow.

And it's not that he wants people to hate his family, but it bothers him that the only reason the public has a better perception of them are more lies. He's so tired of lies. He just wants the truth, but who is he to ask for that when he can't even be truthful with himself. He can't so much as look at Harry anymore without feeling his heart betray him and flutter in his chest. And the more he thinks about it the more he realizes this crush is not new. So he tries not to think about it and he sticks to his mother's plan.

He has mostly stopped talking to his friends as his mother had asked and it has done nothing but make him feel isolated. More people are trying to talk to him than ever, being intrigued by his supposed stint under the imperius curse. He tries to say as little as possible and all of his conversations feel so hollow. He quite desperately needs Pansy to smack some sense into him, or Crabbe to split a cauldron cake and tell him Harry Potter is a git. He wants absolutely nothing more.

Even in their dorm Draco has seen less of Harry these days as some nights he doesn't return, and even when he does it is far after curfew. He assumes he is staying with the weasel, though he isn't going to question him on it. During the night regardless of if Harry is there or not he can hardly sleep. He has often found himself brewing potions through the night. With each of his worries that mount it takes increasingly complex potions to keep his mind occupied.

Two weeks have passed before he receives a letter from his mother, but instead of the reassurances he'd wanted from her or an explanation there is a short note that says, _Smile darling, mudbloods are watching._ With a clipping from the daily prophet talking about how he'd "saved a muggleborn's life." And his potion to rid him of his dimples. The note ends up crumpled in his trash and set aflame in a fit of frustration. And he made potions nearly the entire night.

When he isn't making potions then he's reading about potions. Even on the weekend he shuts himself away in the dorm. And even though his mother refuses to share whatever her plan is he forces himself to follow along. He even tries to smile from time to time. It truly doesn't come naturally to him.

The next letter he gets from his mother says _"Pureblood connections are as strong as ever, send my love to McGonagall."_ He rips it up hating how cryptic she is being. It feels as though he is once again a pawn in someone else's game. He has to wonder if it is a threat towards the headmistress. He has never liked her but is he supposed to step in if to stop whatever his mother is planning? He already let Dumbledore die, can he handle letting her die as well.

However he doesn't have to wonder for too long because the morning after he got that letter Mcgonagall walked up to the podium in the great hall and said in a strained voice which sounds so different than her normally authoritative tone. "I have some difficult news to share. As of today, I will no longer be your headmistress."


	25. The forbidden forest is forbidden for a reason

There is an uproar from the students but Draco can only feel relief that his mother's plan doesn't involve murder. He turns intending to share this with one of his friends but he deflates when he sees sitting beside him instead a second year he hasn't spoken to more than once. He feels a pang of regret in ignoring his friends, but if he were to try to talk to them now then they'll want an explanation that he doesn't have. Mcgonagall waits until the student body quiets, her eyes scanning over the crowd. Draco isn't sure if her eyes linger on him for a split second longer than anyone else or if he is just imagining it. There are still murmurs but she speaks above them. "Due to the number and severity of injuries on hogwarts grounds I have been forced to step down from my post. The ministry has sent a replacement and I hope that all of you will take this news in stride." The last portion has to be spoken loudly to be heard over the students.

"If everyone would settle down," She says sharply and slowly the voices hush. "I have seen all of you overcome great hardships." She says and her voice is more gentle than usual. "I expect big things from each and every one of you. But most importantly I expect you to graduate with heightened courage, intelligence, loyalty, determination" She says this as she looks upon each house then she spread her arms wide "And unity. That is the foundation upon which Hogwarts was created. You have fought valiantly, for more than any child should bear but regardless of my position in this school, know that I will always be fighting next to you." She sniffs quietly but her voice never wavered and pushes her glasses up her nose as she tries to hide watery eyes.

"I regret to leave my post but I must introduce your new head mistress" She pauses her eyes cutting over to where a door opens to the right of the podium. Her eyes grow fierce and as if she has to drag the name out of her she says with immense displeasure "Dolores Umbridge." The reaction is immediate, students are standing from their seats and yelling as Umbridge reveals herself and approaches the podium. There is a particularly riotous reaction from gryffindor, who had faced the worst of her punishments when she was last head mistress. Dolores smiles completely ignoring the chaos among the houses. And as she reaches the podium she holds her wand up to her throat and a loud and familiar "Ahem" issues across the room. This does nothing to quell the students and she continues to smile as if she is listening to a pleasant tune.

Then without any further warning she raises her wand into the air and an ear splitting screeching rips through the great hall. Students grab their ears trying to shut out the noise and Umbridge takes the momentary quiet as an invitation to speak. "Good morning! I am so happy to be back at Hogwarts, though I am so very sorry that it has had to be under such dire circumstances. I see some familiar faces among you, and I expect you to be on your best behavior. I-"

A voice suddenly cuts her off "Can we send you back to the ministry? You're not welcome here Dolores!" Calls the voice and there is laughter that ripples through the hall. "Mrs.Weasley, lovely to see you again. That will be a detention." She says in a pleasant tone.

Ron stands suddenly from his seat. "They haven't thrown you in azkaban yet?" He yells angrily but she continues to smile. "This detention will be a family affair I see. A detention for you as well Mr.Weasley." And she is just about to speak again when another voice breaks in. "Maybe you'd prefer a walk through the forbidden forest!" And although Harry seems to have disappeared Draco has fought with him enough over the years to know his voice. This one seems to rattle her and her smile dims for a moment before it is forced back. "Who was that?" She says in a clipped tone and when nobody steps forward. She says tersely, "The forbidden forest is forbidden for a reason!" Then her smile returns brighter than ever.

"I understand that many of you have faced some difficulties," Draco almost wants to laugh at what an understatement this is. "But it is my job as your headmistress to guide you toward a better future. Setting in place sorely needed structure to aid all of you in the wake of such troubled times." She continues on to talk about the investigation that the ministry has launched within hogwarts, how they plan to reform the school, the safety precautions they will be adding to the school. It all sounds wonderful, but it is difficult to extricate the truth from her words.

He already knows he will get a letter from his mother telling him he should let her take him under her wing. What better way to get ministry support than be well liked by a ministry official, particularly one who is so gifted with bending the truth. He can only hope for his own sanity that that letter will never arrive.


	26. Curiosity can't kill you

Immediately after breakfast Draco rushes back to his dorm. He has muggle studies first thing which he has been skipping when possible to avoid Harry. But as soon as he has settled in front of the pepper up potion he'd been working on the door bursts open and he turns startled with wand in hand to see Harry, Ron and Ginny. Harry is fuming and for a moment he wonders if he is somehow the cause. He's tempted to immediately up and leave but as Harry storms in he starts furiously throwing things into his trunk instead of trying to pick a fight.

"I'd rather die again than have to deal with that hag for a whole year!" He yells chucking his books onto his bed. Draco watches as he has started grabbing his spare cloaks, gathering them all up in his arms. Ron holds out a hand to Harry to stop him and says "I'd normally be all for this but-"

"But nothing!" Harry cuts in. "We just have to pass our OWLS and we don't need to be here to do that!" He huffs tossing the cloaks into his trunk. "Besides, we're already cleared for auror training and Hermione can come stay with us at your mum's until-."

"You really think she would leave?" Ron asks shaking his head with an incredulous look and Harry pauses for a moment one of his shirts still balled in his fist. And he huffs in frustration "We can convince her."

"Seriously, have you ever met Hermione?" Ron retorts laughing slightly which doesn't help Harry's mood. Even Draco who has had very few interactions with her knows she is brilliant but extremely stubborn. Ron looks over and seems to have just noticed him there and shoots him a glare which Draco returns. He huffs and quickly turns back to his potion, not wanting to get involved but still being too curious to leave.

"With Umbridge here we won't be getting an education anyways! You remember how it was!" Harry grumbles but Ginny steps between them with a gleam in her eye. "I've got an idea" she says with a mischevious grin. After a moment she jerks her head in Dracos direction who had been sneaking a look. He quickly fixes his eyes on his cauldron again, pretending he hasn't been listening the entire time. Then with the muttering of muffliato the room becomes silent once again. Only the bubbling of his cauldron and every so often the shuffling of feet break through.

When he glances back he can see their mouths moving but there is no sound. He curses himself for never learning to lip read. He tries to ignore them and go back to his potion but every movement catches his eye. By the time he's done they're huddled over Harry's desk whispering and writing. He momentarily tries to peer around them but decides three against one aren't good odds if he's caught. He puts a stopper on his potion and starts heading toward muggle studies. The few classes he'd attended were confusing at best and he had been sort of thankful for the excuse to skip them. But with Harry plotting whatever it is in their dorm he can't really stay there.

He fully intended to go to class, that is, until he was nearly run over by a group of ravenclaws. They plow right past him with a hexed boy bleeding and passed out levitating above them. Draco looks back at the stairs knowing he should head to class. But he can't help himself and instead he quickly begins to follow them toward the infirmirary.

As soon as the group passes through the door Madam Pomfrey points them toward a bed. "Name and what happened?" She asks in a clipped tone looking frazzled, which isn't common for her. Draco can see that multiple curtains are closed, each one with another comatose student. As the boy was laid down he recognized him from his arithramancy class and one of the boys in the group starts to speak. "Thomas Bader, he..I..I don't what happened" He says then sniffs his eyes growing teary. "He stood up to do a presentation and then just passed out." Says a girl as she and all of the other ravenclaws buzz around his bed. Pomfrey has to fight to get past them.

He has seen her stabilize multiple hexed students by now, it's the same process everytime. Without thinking he hurries to the supplies puts on a pair of gloves and grabs an iv, syringes and bandages for the boy's head as Pomfrey collects the medicine. He sets to work arranging everything and when Pomfrey returns with his papers and medicine she looks surprised for a moment before her attention moves back to the boy. She flips through his file and readies the gauze. "No preexisting conditions, so he must have been hexed like the others." She sighs pressing gauze to where he is bleeding near his ear.

"Draco" she says nodding to the gauze and he quickly moves to the edge of the bed to press on the wound. "Did you see who hexed him?" Pomfrey asks checking his vitals. But the girl at the foot of his bed quickly says "He wasn't hexed! He was in front of the class, everyone would have seen!" This makes Madam Pomfrey pause. "He wasn't hexed?" She asks again and several of them shake their heads. "He was having trouble with his presentation then he just fell and his head hit a chair on the way." Pomfrey looks at the comatose boy quizzically as if he is a puzzle that she can solve. She is listening to his heart when the door to the infirmirary opens once again and behind them is Headmistress Umbridge.


	27. An apprenticeship

The ravenclaws look anxiously among one another as Umbridge approaches. "What are all of you doing out of class?" She asks with a smile. "Our friend got hurt and our teacher said-" one of them starts but Umbridge shakes her head "Well I say you should stay in class. If your teacher gave you permission would you walk into a room full of angry fae?" She asks with a laugh. "They were just bringing-" Madam Pomfrey starts but Umbridge cuts in.

"I'm sorry, I didn't address you." She says, her smile never wavering. It's disconcerting and Draco has to wonder if this is how he makes people feel at times. "Five points from ravenclaw for each of you." She says shooing them away from the bed and she then turns to Draco as the group of ravenclaws leave, several of them still looking back toward their friend.

"Mr.Malfoy I'm disappointed to see that you're not in class as well." She says. "And to my knowledge there aren't any shared classes between ravenclaws and slytherins at this time, do you care to explain or should I just presume you were wandering the halls and give you a detention?" Draco splutters for a moment, he's still not used to being chastized, particularly by Umbridge who he'd thought was fond of him due to his time in the inquisitorial squad. But before he can come up with an explanation Pomfrey cuts in. "He started his apprenticeship with me today. I left the file for Mcgonagall, I do hope that you've gotten to it by now." She says with the perfect mixture of confidence and condescending.

Clearly not wanting to admit having not gone through any paperwork left for her Umbridge smiles and nods. "Of course." She says then turns her attention to the unconcious child wanting to quickly change the subject. "It seems clear the diagnoses here." She says and Pomfrey nods. "Clearly he has the illness. He is stable now but-"

"He hit his head and that's all." Umbridge says sharply. Pomfrey's eyebrows furrow "He is ill, he has all the symptoms." She says clearly annoyed. "I think-: Umbridge starts but Pomfrey cuts her off "If you're not a certified healer then I don't want your opinion." Internally Draco laughs though his face stays still. His eyes flit between them and Umbridge huffs "I may not be a healer but I am headmistress. I won't tolerate the misuse of school funding" she says her smile growing brighter as if she has just won.

But instead of looking at all defeated Pomfrey's expression only grows more defiant. "If a child dies due to lack of medicine, that will be entirely your fault." Pomfrey says clearly angry. But instead of responding Umbridge just tuts and shakes her head as she turns around and leaves.

Pomfrey grumbles under her breath angrily as she continues her treatment of the boy. "Would she really..." Draco starts to ask but then trails off knowing that her threats aren't empty. "She would" Pomfrey huffs "I have cared for the children of this school for years and this-" her words devolve into more grumblings.

"Thank you for covering for me." Draco says trying to shift her attention slightly from her frustration. Pomfrey shakes her head slightly "It's not a cover. I fully expect you to be my apprentice, I'll draw up the papers as soon as I'm done here." She says tapping the boy with her wand to check for any other cuts. She flits her hand in front of Draco and he pulls his hands away from the former gash. It is mostly healed over by whatever potions she gave him and she leans in to inspect it. "I didn't realize you were serious..I- I have classes and lots of studying and-" He says trying to think up an excuse but she holds up a hand to cut him off. "You'll live. And it'll look good on your resume if you want to be an alchemist, though I still don't think it's the most practical use of potioneer training." He is quiet for a moment thinking it over.

If he took a position here then he wouldn't have time for much else. And surely if Umbridge made a new inquisitorial squad then he would be expected to join. However, having an excuse to be out of his dorm and avoid Harry is alluring, with the added benefit of helping his future prospects. And truthfully he doesn't hate the idea of being Pomfrey's apprentice. He nods after a moment "Alright," he says looking away as he feels a smile tug at his lips.

He goes to clean up the vials and in that moment he realizes that for the first time in a long time that he's happy. It's a conflicted happiness, but happiness nonetheless. When he returns Pomfrey is checking through paperwork. "I need all the help I can get, so as soon as you're cleared to be my apprentice then I want you here at the very least twice a week for several hours." Draco nods looking down at the unconcious boy in bed. "You'll probably see me before then" He says and when she looks up at him she smiles. "I know." And something about it makes him feel a pinch of pride. "You should head to class now" she says and Draco shuffles his feet not really wanting to leave. He shoves his hands into his pockets surprised when he feels his hand brush against a bottle before he remembers he'd made pepper up potion.

He pulls it out for a moment then sets it in front of Pomfrey. "A pepper up potion, I don't think I'll be needing it." He says and she looks at him with a surprised expression that shifts into something softer and more fond, the way his mother would look at him when he was young. "Thank you Draco." She says with a smile. He starts to open his mouth to correct her, there are very few people that he lets call him by his first name, but he stops and looks at her for a moment before simply saying "You're welcome" then turning to head off to class.


	28. Sincerely, Narcissa

Strangely Draco doesn't see Harry or any of his friends in any of his classes. It should feel like a reprieve but instead it feels as though one of them will pop out from around a corner. He can't help but feel he'll be ambushed and accused of something heinous. Harry has always been suspicious of him in the past, though it was normally warranted. The thought brings him no comfort.

By the time he finishes all of his classes and is trudging back to his dorm he can only hope that Harry and his gang are gone. In his corridor he feels a tap on his shoulder and he startles spinning around. Pansy is looking at him haughtily, her arms crossed over her chest and her nose in the air. "Not that you deserve to know after abandoning us but Crabbe and Goyle are leaving school." She says and it takes a moment to register with him.

"They're leaving?" He asks feeling his heart has sink to his stomach. Even though he has done little to interact with them at his mother's request to know that they're leaving still hurts. "When?" He asks and she rolls her eyes. "Do you really care?" She huffs still refusing to look at him.

"Yes, of course I do" He says, genuinely troubled and when he reaches out to touch her arm she glances over at him and sighs. "How am I supposed to be mad at you when you look like a wounded puppy?" She grumbles pulling her arm away. "Whatever. I told you, so whether you're going to say goodbye to them is your choice." Then she turns and storms off. He sighs trying not to feel guilty but failing miserably. It isn't until he pushes open his door that he remembers why he was wary to go back to his dorm.

Sprawled across the room are papers as well as Harrys whole gang crammed inside. Harry Ron Hermione and Neville are sat on Harry's bed pouring over notes while Ginny and Luna are writing with fervor perched on Draco's bed. When they see him all conversation stops and he sees Ron hide something behind his back. He should say nothing but he gestures to the girls on his bed and turns to Harry angrily. "You have your side of the room, I have mine." He grumbles feeling frustration bubbling up inside him. He wants someone to fight with. Knowing that two of his very limited pool of friends will be leaving makes him feel conflicted. He isn't normally one to feel sad, it's far easier to lash out. But picking a fight with Harry surrounded by so many of his friends couldn't be a worse idea.

Harry glances up from his papers not even acknowledging the piercing glare from Draco. "Ginny, Luna" he says holding up a notebook. "Gimme a hand?" He asks and Ginny sends Draco a scathing look before she gathers up her papers and crams herself onto the bed next to Harry. Luna on the other hand looks at him for a moment then says "You really should do something about all of those frimbles" She says in her dreamy voice before she moves from his bed.

Draco glares at Ginny, deciding to ignore Luna entirely. He so desperately wants to argue but he bites his tongue. It only takes a minute of halting conversation as the group tries to get around revealing anything with Draco in earshot before they give up and cast a muffliato. He can't help but be curious and he finds himself continually glancing over toward them. He caught the top of one of the many papers to read The Hogwarts Journal followed be in decipherable handwriting.

He has decidedly chosen to ignore how close Harry and Ginny are sitting. It makes his stomach twist with jealousy, which he refuses to actually acknowledge. But it's not just jealousy of Ginny, but all of them. Even when he was at the height of his popularity he couldn't claim he had so many friends. There were people who wanted to be close to him, use him for his family's power. Or they had the misguided notion that he could somehow protect them from the dark lord. But aside from Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise and Pansy he couldn't claim a single other friend. He watches from over his textbook as the group talks animatedly, big smiles plastered across their faces.

He can't help but think of his own friends, two of whom would soon be leaving. At least with them still at school he can delude himself into thinking he might be able to fix things after his mother's plan plays out. He hears a tap at the window and Neville opens it only to be greeted by Draco's owl. He assumes Harry tells him so much because Neville glances to Draco then goes back to his place among the pillows on Harry's bed.

He moves to the window absently handing a treat to the owl. He was hoping it might be Crabbe or Goyle saying their goodbyes but instead it's his mother. It is a letter scrawled quickly, he can hardly recognize her handwriting. Where it is normally curling with care it looks messy and almost haphazard. She has continually grown colder towards him and were it not for her name on the envelope and the familiar slant of her letters he might think it was forged by someone else.

_Dear Draco,_

_Headmistress Umbridge has finally taken her seat at Hogwarts once again. I and many others intend to keep it that way. I suggest you play by her rules and you'll glide through school with a letter of recommendation to any alchemy internship you want, though there may be more lucrative ways to reclaim the respect that the Malfoy name once commanded. For now I think it best to return to your duties on the inquisitorial squad once it is reformed. You have no need to attend your muggle classes, it was a waste to think we could regain respect through means so tedious._

_There is much that I can't tell you but you should be careful around Potter, he may grow suspicious as he always does. We either need him in our pocket or incapacitated. I refuse to underestimate him as the dark lord had. There are games afoot Draco, and this time I intend to win._

_Sincerely, Narcissa Malfoy_

The letter is longer than the others he'd recieved but instead of comforting him it send a chill down his spine. He has never heard her speak so passionately about things relating to pureblood supremacy. He can't help but worry something terrible has happened to her, wonder if perhaps she wad forced to write the letter. He rereads it trying to glean some sort of secret code. But no matter how many times he reads it he can't find an answer.

He folds the letter and tucks it away into the pocket of his robes. He doesn't have to think about where he's going, he just calmly stands as not to attract the attention of the group across the room and heads for the door. He needs advice even if the only people he can trust are those he is forbidden to speak to.


	29. The woes of a war criminal

Draco paces in front of Pansy's room trying to will himself to turn back. He has never been one to rebel or openly doubt his family. Even during the war he kept any contempt for the dark lord to himself. At the time even his thoughts didn't feel like his own. He wasn't particularly skilled at occulemency but the one thing he was good at was hiding things away. If he felt nothing then the dark lord could take nothing from him. But his father is in azkaban, his future is uncertain, and even after the dark lord has died he still haunts him. At the most unlikely of times fear can grip him and refuse to let go.

As he stops to stare at Pansy's door there is a seed of fear within him. As if even this small act of rebellion could lead to something awful. But his mother's letter seems to burn in his pocket. He takes in a deep breath and grips the doorknob pushing the door open before he has time to let his fear stop him. He is immediately greeted by loud music and the sound of scrambling which he knows must be his friends hiding firewhiskey. It almost makes him want to laugh, nervous and relieved at the same time. When he steps inside he braces himself for anger but he is only greeted by Goyle yelling "DRACO! YOU CAME!" Even though the music isn't nearly loud enough to warrant yelling.

"Did you bring alcohol? We're nearly out." Pansy says pouting as she pulls out a bottle of firewhiskey that had been haphazardly hidden under a pillow upon his arrival. When he shakes his head she groans dramatically and falls back onto her bed. "You ignore us then don't even bring firewhiskey?" She grumbles clearly already drunk."I..uh, I'm sorry about that." He say haltingly. He's always hated apologizing but the situation warrants it. "My mom told me to stop talking to you guys-"

"And you listened?" Blaise asked scrunching up his face in a way that made Draco want to smile.

"Yeah.." He says awkwardly and he looks at the ground embarrassed. "I'm really sorry." He says shuffling his feet wondering if there's time to turn back. He looks up when Pansy begins to laugh "Merlin, you look like a wounded puppy." She says shaking her head.  
"That was two apologies," Crabbe snorts "You must loooove us." He teases dragging out the word and drawing a heart in the air with his fingers.

Draco huffs"Shut up" he says rolling his eyes. "So you're not mad at me?" He asks and Blaise holds up his fingers, an inch apart. "A little." He says then grabs the firewhiskey from Pansy to take a swig. He grimaces at the taste. "We may have been planning to hex you into a ferret if you didn't show up."  
Draco shakes his head and drops himself onto Pansy's bed "Diabolical" he says reaching for the firewhiskey, the letter in his pocket for the moment forgotten. He takes a drink, the liquid burning down his throat.

"Potter and company have been crowding my dorm all day." He says handing off the bottle to Goyle. "I knew Ginny was up to something, she kept whispering with Loony." Pansy says and Draco looks at her surprised "Did you really just call her by her actual name? That's two points from slytherin!" He says and she sighs "She hexes me every single time I call her Weaslette! What am I supposed to do? I'm losing my edge!" She cries slumping down and scowling at the empty bed on the other side of the room.

  
"The woes of a war criminal." Blaise says sarcastically.

  
"I'm not a war criminal, dumbass!" She says sitting up to smack the back of his head. "I'm a war accomplice at most!"

  
"Hey! No fighting! We're leaving tomorrow so can we be civil for one night?" Crabbe says waving an arm between Blaise and Pansy.  
"That would be quite the miracle" Blaise says laughing. "Do you two know what you're doing when you leave?" He asks looking to Crabbe and Goyle.

  
"My parents want me to finish out school at Durmstrang, seems like a waste to me." Goyle says and Crabbe shrugs "At least it's not beuxbaton. I got an offer to work at a dueling studio, take a good look at this nose because by years end I'm sure it'llbe broken enough times that even an episky won't fix it."

  
"Bet your parents love that idea." Pansy says sarcastically and Crabbe laughs "Haven't told em, they're gonna lose it though."

  
"How do you do that?" Draco asks a little stunned. "You're not worried that they'll be pissed or cut you off or something?" Draco asks and Crabbe shrugs.

  
"I'm absolutely terrified. But I've gotta start making decisions for my own life at some point." They talk amongst themselves about the future but Draco can't seem to bring himself to speak. If he let himself choose his life then what would it look like?

  
Would he still choose to pursue potions? Would he live at the manor? Would he follow in his father's footsteps? The idea of going to Azkaban made him shutter. He reaches out for the firewhiskey and take a long drink. And for the time being he allows himself to imagine himself in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, or perhaps crammed into an apartment with all of his friend. Unburdened by war and fear could he possibly find himself in the muggle world? Maybe he'd fall in love, settle down somewhere quiet and safe. The war could fall into the past and the future could stretch before him with possibilities.

  
He is dragged back to reality by Blaise's voice "You alright there, Draco?" He asks and he realize Blaise must have been trying to get his attention for a while. "Yeah I-" he starts but the weight of the lie feels immense. "No..no I'm not." He says and it feels like the world has suddenly been lifted off his shoulders.


End file.
